It’s Okay to Cry, Day 9

Image courtesy of Pansa at

                             Image courtesy of Pansa at

I struggle with my emotions. I struggle with letting myself cry. My husband has beautiful emotions, and always encourages me that it is okay to cry. Sometimes we need to mourn. We need to grieve. We need to feel pain.

We often shield ourselves to protect ourselves, but we aren’t doing ourselves any good when we do. It’s okay to feel sad together.

I recall many a fight with Adam that ended in tears. Those tears were life giving. The tears allowed me to step out of my “perfect expectations” and my “perfect image” and to accept there is brokenness in this world, my life, and marriage and I can accept and embrace my grief. Even Jesus cries after the death of His friend, Lazarus, not because He is weak, but because He is human and crying is a natural response to loss.

Ecclesiastes 3 tells us there is a time to weep and mourn. It’s okay. Remember it won’t last forever. This life on this planet is temporary. But it’s okay in the moment to grieve, to cry, to feel pain. Sometimes this might mean you take time apart from your spouse. Sometimes it means you spend more time together. Grief has a way of helping me grow and bond in marriage.

When grieving…

… remember to accept your grief or your spouse’s grief as is. There’s nothing bad about feeling pain and sorrow. Leave judgment behind.

….remember there is no timetable for grief. Different people grieve at different paces. It’s important to know when to move on, but allow yourself and/or your spouse the appropriate time to grieve. Be patient and supportive.

…remember to communicate about your grief and pain. Discuss the grief process. Sometimes this might simply be nonverbals such as holding a hand while crying, or embracing.

…remember that it is okay to ask for help, or to ask for support from others beside your spouse. Relying solely on your spouse for grief support might lead to burnout. It’s okay to reach out.

…remember you don’t have to be strong all the time. In fact, it’s okay to feel frustrated and upset. It’s what you do with these feelings that makes a difference. Allow yourself to feel pain, and then set boundaries so you avoid wallowing.

…remember it is okay to have fun together in the grief. Sex can be incredibly healing during a difficult time, or after an emotionally intense argument or a painful dry spell. Laughing together as you cry can be therapeutic too.

You are not alone in your grief and your pain. Psalm 34:18 says, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Most importantly, remember you have a God who cares and who has given you a life partner to help you through the difficult times.


This is Day 9 of the 30 Dates in November Challenge 2016. Sign up here. Join us on the forums for the challenge of the day and participate in a supportive community. 

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