3 Ways to Counteract Distractions in Marriage

A week ago ago, I was involved in a fender bender. It was my fault. I wasn’t paying attention at an intersection and rear-ended someone. There was no damage to our vehicle and minor barely visible damage to the other woman’s car. Still I felt rather stupid.

It got me thinking about disrespect. Just because you can’t see any physical damage to your husband doesn’t mean your disrespect is any less harmful. How easy it is to get distracted in marriage by work, children, friends, home maintenance, outside activities, or even your own agenda! How easy it is for distraction to blind you to what’s really going on with your spouse!

It could be little things that are slowly puncturing holes in his confidence – like your tone of voice your body language, the way you talk to him, tease him, or argue with him. You could effectively be ramming into his self-worth over and over again without even realizing it.

Ask your husband: is there anything that I do or say that makes you feel disrespected? 

You may be surprised. For the longest time, Adam and I would go to bed at different times. If I thought he was taking too long, I’d yell down the stairs to him, hoping he’d hear me. I had no idea that he perceived, “come to bed!” as disrespectful. He requested that if I am ready to go to bed or if I wake up and he’s not there, to come downstairs, to hug and kiss him, and ask him to come to bed. It seemed so simple and required a little effort on my part, but it did make sense. In this small way, I could honor my husband by inviting him to bed instead of demanding. I had been so unaware, distracted by my own desires. It’s not wrong to want my husband to be with me, but I do need to ask nicely.

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3 Ways to Counteract Distraction 

Remember Red Yellow Green (R, Y, G).

Red – Recognize little things make a difference. 

  • Use a respectful, kind, calm tone of voice when speaking to your husband.
  • Use engaging eye contact.
  • Use positive body language (i.e. straight stature, uncrossed arms, etc).

Yellow – Yank the technological umbilical cord. 

  • Set down your cell phone when you’re spending time together (or better yet, turn it off).
  • Spend time together every night before bed without the TV/radio/laptop (i.e. go for a walk, chat over dinner, lie on the bed and hold one another).
  • If you have to finish something on your laptop/smartphone, etc, politely let your spouse know, turn away from the screen, make eye contact, explain briefly, set a time limit, and stick to it.

Green – Give up things that counteract togetherness. 

  • Complete household chores and errands before you see each other. (I make it a point never to run errands after picking up Adam from work so we can spend the bulk of our evening together). 
  • Set a specific time and time limit on the amount of time you spend on your cell phones, laptops, and TV/Netflix time. (Adam knows I prefer to have a half hour or so to wind down at the end of an evening to prepare for bed so we stop watching shows at least 35-45 minutes before sleeping). 
  • Think about activities/people that eat up a large amount of your time. Prioritize this list. Obviously things like taking care of the kids and working take up a bulk amount of your time and are a necessity, but perhaps you could say ‘no,’ to the weekly church luncheon to make time for your honey. Perhaps you could give up those 15-minutes of reading a book alone to engage your spouse in conversation. Perhaps you could relax together and take advantage of spontaneous free time instead of trying to clean the house (just once).

BONUS! Visit my Google+ or Facebook page for ‘3 Ways to Counteract Distraction’ photos to add to your social media pages or to print out for your own use. (All I ask is that you credit me: becominghiseve.wordpress.com). 

share with us

What things do you find most distract you from your husband’s needs and/or your marriage? How do you prevent distractions in your marriage? 

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