The Best Way to Kiss & M.A.K.E.U.P.

the best way to kiss and makeup

Who says you have to wait until the weekend for date night?

Last Wednesday evening I had an argument with Adam. We don’t argue often, but when we do, it throws me off for awhile. I’m sure any of you who have ever argued with your spouse know what I mean. I felt stressed out, overwhelmed, under-appreciated, and unloved. Let me quickly clarify that Adam and I quickly made up, but sometimes the emotions carry over longer than the logic in your brain does.

The following morning I felt burdened by guilt over my actions and words from the previous night. I dropped Adam off at work, and drove to my favorite neighborhood Starbucks. As I entered the parking lot, I prayed, “Lord, I need some encouragement.” As I was about to step out of the car, the Holy Spirit tugged at my heart and whispered, “Wait.” I let the keys linger in the ignition as a song on the radio came on that overwhelmed me with the power and presence of God’s love. I shared this experience here. The messages I received from Christ with an open heart were: God will be by my side, He loves me, He wants to provide for me, He hears my heart’s cries, and He’s holding me. What powerful encouraging words!

I was overwhelmed by God’s love that I wanted to lavish it on my husband. My week nights don’t usually allow for good quality “hubby+me time.” However last Thursday I decided it was going to be different. I picked up a few last minute groceries, picked up my husband from work, and told him I was planning to make dinner for the two of us. Arriving home, I baked autumn chicken, served toasted Italian bread, and finished off the meal with a pear torte from Trader Joes. I set the table with my nice dishes, lit a few candles, and poured the red wine. Then I invited my husband to enjoy a meal with me… and to enjoy a little lovin’ afterward. The middle-of-the-week date night was exactly what we needed to heal.

Is this a typical way for us to kiss and make up? No. Should it be? Practically, not always, but the principles still apply and can apply to your marriage too.

live and grow

M. ake time for God first. If your hearts are hurting, stop whatever you’re arguing about and turn to God. Hug each other and pray together. Spend time alone with God too (and sometimes this is needed before “together+God time” especially if one or both of you isn’t ready to forgive). If you aren’t feeling very loving or forgiving, allow God to love on you first. I shared 1 Peter 5:7 last week and it applies to this week too: “Cast all your anxieties on Him, for He cares for you.” Remember God cares for both of you. Lay the struggles with your spouse at His feet and allow Him to love you.

A. cknowledge your mistakes. 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong.” God doesn’t just leave us hanging after we confess our wrongs to Him. He forgives us faithfully and always, but He doesn’t stop there. He cleanses us from every wrong. I don’t know about you, but I desperately need this cleansing to move forward in the healing process.

K. ick guilt to the curb. It’s easy to say “sorry” and “I forgive you.” Actually letting go is the hard part. But sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself. The Devil likes to prey on your weakness and make you feel unworthy. This is not how Jesus Christ operates. Psalm 32:5 says, “Finally, I confessed my sins to You and stopped trying to hide them. I said to myself, ‘I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.’ And You forgave me. All my guilt is gone.” Stop listening to the Devil’s condemning lies, forgive yourself and let go of the bondage of guilt and shame, and pray that the Lord will heal your heart.

E. ncourage your husband with your love. One of the best ways to turn anger on its head is to love. Proverbs 16:24 says, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Don’t misunderstand me. You shouldn’t have to earn back your husband’s love. However, you can cultivate an oasis of peace, grace, and forgiveness by loving on your husband. I recently had my eyes opened to the fact that my husband’s second love language is acts of service. He feels loved when I do things for him. I prepared a special meal for my husband as a way to honor and love him. Find a way to build your spouse up when things are tense.

U. nderstand healing takes time, but you can act in the in-between. Letting go of harsh words, hurtful actions, or even past mistakes prior to marriage takes time. But God doesn’t call us to be idle in the healing process. Release God’s powerful healing by praying over your marriage and marriage bed daily. Hold hands and embrace when you pray together. One of the ways I experience the warmth of God’s love and peace is when I receive a hug from my husband. Physical touch is a powerful gift. James 5:16 says, “Confess your faults to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed.”

P. ull closer together through intimacy. Physical intimacy brings healing like no other. When things have been tense between Adam and I, we find that making love is the best way to draw closer again. “His mouth is full of sweetness. And he is wholly desirable. This is my beloved and this is my friend,” says Song of Songs 5:16. Allow your desire for your husband to grow. This is healthy. This is Scriptural. This is healing.

share with us

How have you experienced God’s love, forgiveness, and healing in your marriage? How do you kiss and make-up after conflict? 

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