Guarding Against the W.O.L.F. in Your Hall
Last Thursday, U.S. Olympian luger, Kate Hansen sent out a tweet about a wolf roaming the halls of the Sochi hotel where the Olympians have been staying. The “wolf in the hall” was revealed to be an elaborate prank by late night television host Jimmy Kimmel and it looks like Hansen was in on the Sochi shenanigans.
When you’re going for gold in your marriage, you need to protect yourselves against the “wolves” that threaten to disrupt your intimacy. Song of Solomon 2:15 says, “Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that are destroying our grape-fields, for the flowers are on the vines.” While the animal interloper in Sochi wasn’t a fox, the analogy can still apply.
1 Peter 5:8-9 warns, “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.”
You’re not alone, dear married lady. Part of staying alert is being aware of the top 4 common arguments married couples have. You can remember them with the W.O.L.F. acronym.
W – We are family!
Family members and friends are wonderful, however, when there are too many cooks in the kitchen, this can put an exorbitant amount of stress on a couple.
- Remember your own family unit. Ultimately, you and your husband decide what’s best for you (and your kids, if you have them). No matter how hard you want to please your mom and his grandma, you need to think about the two of you first.
- Put your marriage before your kids. I know, I’m one to talk because I don’t have kids yet. However, too many couples neglect each other in favor of taking care of the children. While I’m not saying you should neglect your little ones, don’t forget to take care of each other first. Your kids need to see that you make each other a priority.
- Set boundaries. Decide together who is going to have input in your family decisions and who doesn’t, and also how much they have.
- Talk to each other first. If you’re in conflict with one another, avoid complaining to his or your families first. Discuss the matter internally. If you do talk to family members about your problems, always speak positively about your spouse.
O – Order of the household
Clutter can lead to chaos. When your house is in disorder, you and your husband leave yourself wide open for stress, disrupted schedules, safety hazards, and complicated cleaning. Prevent disorder in your home.
- Plan ahead. Make a chore list. I don’t always stick to my cleaning schedule, but when I do, I feel productive, organized, and peaceful.
- Share the burden. Communicate with each other about how you want to split up household chores. In our home, Adam takes out the trash, keeps the car and technology maintained, lifts the heavy stuff, fixes broken items, and does the cat litter on weekends. I do the rest. Regardless of how you clean in your household, make sure you’re sharing the responsibility.
- Do a little each day. Pick up after yourself when you leave a room. Spend five minutes each evening picking up clutter.
L – Let’s Get It On… Or Not!
He wants sex, and she doesn’t. She wants sex and he doesn’t. Common problem. Safeguard your marriage bed.
- Make sex a priority. Together decide how often is enough, and then try to stick to it. Does it need to be scheduled? No, but let your spouse know he/she is desired and allow time in your week for sexual intimacy.
- Be specific. Tell your husband what you want and don’t want in your marriage bed. Give him examples of what you like and don’t be afraid to show him.
- Un-busy your life. Stop making excuses. If you’re too busy and too tired for sex, something’s gotta give. Think about one area of your life you can sacrifice so you can give your sexual intimacy more attention.
- Incorporate intimacy into your everyday life. You can give each other a little each day. Make-out at stop lights. Enjoy a quickie between activities. Shower together. Fold laundry together in the nude.
- Make plans to come back later. If you’re going to skip sex, then make plans to revisit the subject later. Talk about why you don’t want to have sex now (and see if you can find a solution together). If you decide to wait, pick a time to try again. The Bible calls us to satisfy and protect our spouses, and to only withhold sex for a short period of time if you both agree to it. It’s okay to say no. Just don’t say no forever.
F – Finances
Money makes the world go round, and it can also cause a marriage to go down. How do you prevent this?
- Open lines of communication. Discuss your budget together. Talk about who will pay bills and how this will be done. Talk about your individual philosophies on money (i.e. saving, tithing, spending, budgeting, etc), and form a joint financial philosophy.
- Set a budget. And stick to it! Living within your means will give you both peace of mind and help you avoid contention.
- Start a savings account. Set aside a portion of your money every pay check for your ‘rainy day’ and for unexpected expenses – car maintenance, medical bills, etc.
- Tithe. Set a monthly percentage of money you will tithe together as a family as a way to honor God and give back to your church.
- Be trustworthy. Let each other know when you spend money. Give each other access to bank and credit accounts. Check with your spouse before making big purchases.
Whether you’re staying alert to the roaring lions or you’ve noticed some wolves in your halls, take an active role in protecting your marriage and preventing conflict.
2 Brand New Series Coming to BHE this Spring!
Monday, March 3rd Wednesday, March 5th
- Posted in: Communication Tips & Techniques ♦ Conflict Resolution ♦ Current Events and News ♦ Intimate Issues ♦ Miscellaneous ♦ Real Marriage ♦ Sex ♦ Updates
- Tagged: Communication Tips & Techniques, Conflict Resolution, Family, Finances, Sexual Intimacy Struggles, Winter Olympics 2014, Withholding Sex