What’s My Secret? Part 3 of Resolution Solutions
Editor’s Note: I am pleased to announce I was invited to include a post in The Happy Wives Club Blog Tour. I am excited to be a part of this wonderful marriage resource along with hundreds of other inspiring bloggers. To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE!
What’s My Secret?
When people ask me this question, I feel like the answer is obvious. Anyone who knows Adam and I knows that we like to have fun. I feel like this aspect is sorely missing from much church teaching regarding marriage. God said in the beginning that it’s not good for man to be alone. Man was created to do life together, and with someone more than just a buddy. He needed a partner, a lover, and a friend – for which woman was created.
One of my favorite Bible passages about marriage is Proverbs 5:18, “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.” Dear wife, are you a woman your husband can take pleasure in, have fun with, and rejoice in?
REAL marriage is supposed to be fun! Last Monday we talked about how respect – the R of a REAL marriage – is critical to the success of a marriage. But the E part of a REAL marriage – Engagement – is equally as important. Engaging in friendship and doing life together is my
not so secret to a happy, healthy, flourishing marriage.
10 Ways to Strengthen Your Marital Friendship
Say “I love you” frequently… and do it with a smile, hug, and kiss. There’s a big difference between a quick, routine”love ya” rushing out the door in the morning and a genuine “I love you.” The way you say “I love you” does matter. Do I always have time for all three? No, but I try my hardest to make time. Linger on that morning kiss and stay in the evening embrace just a little longer. Your husband needs to hear that you love him and feel/see that you love him.
Listen. Let your husband know that you’re there for him and you care enough to hear what he has to say. Practice active listening in your marriage.
Communicate. Every good relationship is based on communication, and it doesn’t necessarily have to be verbal. In the first post of this series, I spoke about improving intimate connection, not just communication. You can say a whole lot more with your body language than you can with spoken words. You don’t need to force a “let’s talk” session to include your spouse in your life. Let the conversation flow naturally out of your daily life together.
Make love frequently. Sex isn’t usually included in crucial aspects of a friendship because it doesn’t need to be. But in a marriage, sexual intimacy helps hold the relationship together. Be your husband’s friend in the bedroom by extending him kindness, letting loose, spicing things up on occasion, and enjoying one another. And do so often. When Adam and I have sex more regularly, we are less likely to argue and we want to spend more time together outside the bedroom. And we have more fun! ;o)
Play. My husband doesn’t laugh and smile easily, so when I can make him grin and laugh, it’s a real treat. My husband and I have this bit in the mornings. As he’s leaving for work, he rolls down his window to kiss me. I lean in and lock his door, and he unlocks it. I almost never get away with locking it without him realizing it, but it’s still makes us smile. We have silly code phrases we use for sex. We have inside jokes. We make weird noises. Work to incorporate joy into your everyday life.
Eat meals together. Eat at least one meal a day with your spouse. Connect and enjoy one another’s presence. Adam and I try to eat breakfast together at least once a week, eat dinner together most nights, and go out to eat 2-3 times a month, if we can afford it. Nourish your friendship while you nourish your bodies.
Hang out with friends. Invest in friends together. Married friends encourage, support, and learn from each other, pray for one another, and have fun. Adam and I have a weekly couples fellowship group that we attend. While we may not always be good about doing the Bible study part, we definitely edify and enjoy one another.
Date night. Add fun, excitement, and adventure to your lives by having regular dates. You don’t even need to go out. Check out my stay-at-home date ideas. It also doesn’t have to be a date night. It can be a date morning, afternoon, or my favorite (an overnight). Make a point to silence your cell phone, and connect with each other over a meal/fun activity frequently.
Cultivate spiritual intimacy. Pray for and with each other daily. Attend a local church, and get involved in ministry together. Do a couples Bible study. Worship together.
Do life together. Create a regular workout routine. Play with your kids and/or pets. Hop in the shower with your spouse, or even take a luxurious bath once in awhile. Share the chores responsibility… and who knows – choreplay could lead to great sex! Hold hands while shopping for groceries. Share your work goals. Support each other’s dreams. Life is more fun when you’re doing it together.
Fawn Weaver, the founder of the Happy Wives Club wrote a book about the best marriage secrets the world has to offer. They say the book is like “Eat, Pray, Love meets The 5 Love Languages.” I say the book is inspiring. You can grab a copy HERE.
The solution to staying motivated and keeping your resolutions is relationship with God, spouse, and self. This post is Part 3 of the Resolution Solutions series, Priority #3a – REAL Marriage.
Come back next Monday for Part 4, Authenticity in Marriage
Linking up with: Wedded Wednesday