Unhealthy Relationships, Part 7, Day 27


Special Note: If you and/or your spouse has committed adultery, please seek professional Biblical counseling. Visit Affaircare, a community dedicated to committed, godly marriages and offering redemptive help after an affairToday’s post is the conclusion, Part 7 of a series on faithfulness – see parts 123, 4, 5, and 6. This series is not intended for those of you who have been victims of rape, abuse, and violence in and/or out of marriage. Please seek professional help! 

Ask Your Spouse to Step In

If you find yourself in a situation you can’t handle, ask your spouse for help. These scenarios may include but aren’t limited to flirting, harassment, sexual propositions, bad-mouthing, belittling, etc. After I’ve told someone to kindly back off and they don’t, or they don’t understand what the harm is, then I ask my husband to speak on my behalf. God designed our husbands to be our protectors.

Extricate Yourself from Unhealthy Relationships

Sometimes you just need to cut someone out of your life, or take a break from the relationship. Your husband is the most important person in your life. I’d first recommend prayer and having a conversation with your spouse if you’re having an issue with someone. If you are in a relationship with someone who isn’t respecting you or your spouse,  especially after multiple attempts to converse and fix the situation, you need to preserve the health of your marriage and protect your spouse by removing said person(s) from your life temporarily, and in some cases, permanently.

How to talk to your husband when he's flirting with temptation from Becoming His Eve inspired by Karen Scalf Linamen's book Pillow Talk

How to Talk To Your Husband When He’s Flirting with Temptation

Sometimes you might see something your husband can’t. How do you discuss this?

Karen Scalf Linamen writes in her book,  Pillow Talk,

Things are going smoothly and you are confident your marriage is as safe as it can be from dangerous liaisons. Then one day you see, hear, or sense something that triggers a red flag, and you strongly suspect that one of your husband’s relationships is not as neutral as it should be. You’re confident your husband is not having an affair; he may, however, be flirting with temptation. What do you do?

The worst thing you can do is freak out and accuse him, as this is alienating. Instead…

  • Always begin with prayer. Quiet your heart and take your concerns before the Lord.
  • Alert your spouse to your concerns rationally and calmly. Use a gentle, loving tone and affirming body language.
  • Affirm your commitment to the marriage. Let him know that you love him and you’re committed to your marriage.
  • Acknowledge your spouse’s commitment to the marriage. Express gratitude that he chose you and has remained faithful to you.
  • Assure your spouse that you aren’t jealous and that he hasn’t done anything wrong yet. This is especially important if he becomes defensive or angry. Let him know you have nothing to be jealous about since he is with you, not someone else, and you are confident you both can work through this. Let him know that he hasn’t done anything wrong, and that you are just bringing up your concerns because you love him and want to protect your marriage.
  • Agree to tackle the problem together as a team. Invite him to join you in finding a solution to safeguard your marriage.

Today’s 30 Minute Challenge (November 26th): LOOKOUT

Pick one of the LOOKOUT challenges from yesterday and practice it today.

5 Minute Marathon

Make a quick list of the relationships in your life. Pray over this list throughout the rest of the month and ask God to show you any areas (online/in person) that are negatively effecting your marriage. Ask Him to give you a game plan strategy for addressing these issues.

Today’s Prayer

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! I praise You for desiring relationship with me. Please help me to honor You in my marriage, online activity, and relationships. Help me to honor my husband. Make me aware of any relationships that may be negatively impacting my marriage. Protect me from temptation. In Your Name, Amen. 

Take it a Step Further

Read Matthew 4:1-11. God allowed Jesus to be tempted so we might have a specific example of what to do when we’re tempted. Recognize you have the authority to tell off the Devil and defeat His lies because Christ, the Living Word of God, lives in you. Spend some time today praying for God’s authority to equip you, God’s strength to endure, and God’s wisdom to know the difference between truths and lies in your life and marriage.

30 Dates in November Challenge

This post is Day 27 in of the  30 Dates in November Challenge. This post is the conclusion of a series on faithfulness. See related posts – The Most Important Step in Staying Faithful in MarriageSay Yes to SexZealously Protect Your MarriageGuard Your Mind, Staying Accountable, and Avoiding Temptation

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    1. 9 Things You Already Have to Solve Marital Conflict | Becoming His Eve
    2. Now What? Day 31 and Beyond | Becoming His Eve

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