Doing Your Husband Good, Day 20
What is Good?
We use the word “good” loosely in the English language. We say “good job” when someone has done a task well. We say “veggies are good for you,” because vegetables are beneficial to your health. We say “that house has a good foundation” meaning the house’s foundation is reliable and won’t crumble. We say that someone has a “good figure” implying attractiveness. But when we say someone is a “good person,” that statement is very subjective and muddled.
Evil is anything and anyone who goes against the nature of our triune perfect and holy God. Evil is anything that deliberately violates our God and other people, causing injury, suffering, and destruction. The greatest evil in marriage is selfishness.
Take a lesson from Christ. Eve wanted to be equal to or greater than God. But Christ didn’t take advantage of His equality, and humbled Himself even unto death on a cross, making Himself nothing. When you are consciously seeking to be more like Christ, you become diminished and God grows bigger in your life. If you truly want to do your husband good, you need to humble yourself and exalt Christ.
No one wants to think of themselves as evil, but the reality is that apart from God, no one is good, and no one can do good. With Christ, you are filled with His goodness – His strength of character. The goodness spoken of in Galatians is the Greek word “agathosune” which refers to excellence of character. To bear goodness is to grow in godly character.
“Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities (your husband is your head – he is an authority over you), to be obedient (to follow God’s Word and live in righteousness), to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one (don’t speak badly about your husband to anyone), to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone (especially toward your husband). At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures (when you lived in sin). We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another (this is where you came from; in regards to former sinful ways). But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy (You can’t save yourself). He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life (This is who you are now.) This is a trustworthy saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good (devote yourself to doing good toward your husband). These things are excellent and profitable for everyone.” (Titus 3:1-8).
Doing Good, Not Harm, in the Bedroom
I originally shared these ideas in the context of affair-proofing your marriage.
First, you’ve got to axe evil to protect your marriage bed.
1. Avoid anyone who disrupts your intimacy with your husband. This means avoid anyone who casts a negative light on your trustworthiness or faithfulness in your marriage. Don’t be alone with another man if you can help it. Don’t go searching for comfort in a male friend. Turn away from anyone who tempts you outside your marriage. This also means avoid people who aren’t marriage-affirming or who bash their husbands.
2. Abandon anything that will cause you to stumble. If this means you need to stop watching rated R movies and stop reading romance novels, DO IT! If you’re having to read about an exotic and exciting sex life in a book, then you need to take a step back, pray, and have a serious conversation with your spouse.
3. Annihilate selfishness. This could be anything from being too busy or too stressed to make time for sex to having a poor attitude about sex.
- A selfish wife says, “I must be pleasured every time or I won’t do it again.“
- A selfless wife says, “Your pleasure comes before my own and I want to please you.”
- A selfish wife says, “I don’t have time to make love.”
- A selfless wife says, “I will make time to make love.”
- A selfish wife says, “I’m too tired and/or stressed. You’ll wait until I am feeling better.”
- A selfless wife says, “I may be tired and stressed but I want to serve you and give you what you desire.“
- A selfish wife says, “If you don’t please me, fulfill me, and give me everything I desire, I will look for it elsewhere.”
- A selfless wife says, “You do please and fulfill me, and even when you do not, I will uphold my vows and be faithful to you.”
Second, you have to build up your marriage bed.
1. Be Loving – leave your husband emotionally secure by allowing him to feel the depth of your love for him on a regular basis. Men often feel loved through physical affection and intimacy. Basically, men have sex to feel loved, but women need love to have sex. Hold up your end of the marriage. Love your husband in the most intimate way possible.
2. Bestow Peace of Mind – leave your husband mentally secure by bringing him good, not harm, through your actions when he’s around, but more importantly, when he’s not around. Give him the confidence he needs in you sexually by complimenting him sexually (a.k.a. stroke his ego a little), affirming his masculinity in public and private, and by letting him know that he pleases you sexually (THIS IS A BIG ONE, LADIES! If he’s not pleasing you, you need to tell him, but if he is, make him aware of how you feel physically when you make love so he’ll know he’s doing his job).
3. Build Trust – leave your husband morally secure by protecting him. Don’t blab about the details of your sex life to anyone else. Don’t complain to your girlfriends, or worse still, your mother or his mother, when he fails to sexually satisfy you. Don’t embarrass his masculinity in front of his friends and family. Don’t say anything that would cast doubt on your faithfulness. Be trustworthy in your words and deeds. Build him up by speaking words of life about him to others.
4. Bring All of Yourself – leave your husband physically secure by honoring him with your whole body, heart, and mind, abandoning all others, not seeking outside fulfillment, but working to strengthen your sexual intimacy. The greatest way you can honor your husband is to give all of yourself – your heart, mind, body, time, energy, strength, etc – for his glory, joy, and pleasure. This doesn’t mean be a doormat and do whatever he wants whenever he wants it wherever he wants it regardless of your personal feelings, desires, and needs. The husband is also to honor, love, and serve his wife, giving her preference too. But God calls us wives to love and serve our husbands joyfully and willingly.
Today’s 30 Minute Challenge (Nov 20th): Do Him Good
Pick one of the above A’s and/or B’s to work on today.
Five Minute Marathon
Today give up one thing to better your emotional and sexual intimacy with your husband. Don’t tell him about it. Don’t draw attention to it. Just give up something that normally takes away or hinders your relationship with your husband and focus on bringing him good instead.
Lord, I want to honor my husband and to protect our marriage bed. I’m especially struggling with being selfish in [insert area of your life]. Help me to be selfless like You are selfless. Show me any areas, people, or things that are hindering my intimacy with my husband. Help me to let go of [insert thing, relationship, areas, etc] which is damaging our marriage. I want to do my husband good, not harm. Help me to be a trustworthy wife and to give my husband peace of mind. Give me Your love that I may give of myself absolutely in the marriage bed. Equip me with Your goodness, and help me to be my husband’s treasure. Amen.
Take It a Step Further
Spend time in prayer asking God to show you ways you can do your husband good, not harm in your marriage, in and out of the bedroom. Pastor Mark Driscoll offers these questions in the Peasant Princess series. Consider discussing them with your spouse.
On a scale from 1-10, 1 being terrible and 10 being amazing, how much of a servant am I out of the bedroom? How can I be more of a servant? How can I better serve you outside the bedroom? On a scale from 1-10, how much of a servant am I in the bedroom? How can I better serve you in the bedroom?
Share with Us
How do you work to do your husband good?
This post is Day 20 in of the 30 Dates in November Challenge. Today’s post included revised bits from the following posts: Does God Hate Fig Trees?, And God Said, ‘It Was Not Good?’, Do I Delight in Evil?, and A Counter-Cultural Sexual Affair. Linked up my post with To Love, Honor, and Vacuum: Spice Up Your Marriage and Messy Marriage: What ForGIVEness Gives Us.
- Posted in: 30 Dates in November ♦ 5 Love Languages ♦ Change and Growth ♦ Fruits of the Spirit ♦ Honor ♦ Intimate Issues ♦ Knowing God ♦ Prayer ♦ Protecting Your Marriage ♦ Real Marriage ♦ Romance ♦ Sex
- Tagged: 30 Dates in November 2013, Affair-Proof Your Marriage, Goodness, Physical Affection & Attention, Sexual Intimacy Struggles, The Marriage Bed