Extending Kindness in the Bedroom, Day 19

God’s Kindness

God had great compassion on us and kindness toward us. Through His Son, He saved us, not by anything that we did to deserve it, but because of His rich mercy and kindness. He did this by regenerating, restoring, and renewing us, bathing us in the Holy Spirit. Because of the richness of His kindness, we have the hope of eternal life with Him.

Because we’ve been saved, we are to devote ourselves to good works – to serving others. These good works didn’t save us and don’t save us. Salvation is a free gift. But because we have been saved, because we have experienced the amazing power and wonder of the Gospel message – the fully finished redemptive work of Christ on the cross –  we willingly want to respond to God with a heart of service and we willingly want to respond to others with kindness. Kindness is evidence of the Holy Spirit working in us.

The Fruit of Kindness & the Marriage Bed

How can you show kindness in your marriage bed? When it comes to kindness in the bedroom, just remember to bring FIGSS. 

F – Fortify your marriage bed by letting your husband know that he is desirable, wanted, and needed. In Song of Solomon 5:10-16, the woman meditates on her husband’s body. Let your husband know what you find attractive.

I – Include thoughtfulness in your marriage bed. There are a variety of ways to do this from speaking words of life, to making sure he has a comfortable pillow for his head, doing something special that he enjoys during intimacy, or setting out a beverage and snack for when you’re done. 1 Peter 3:8 says, “Love each other with a kind heart…” (NLV). Be willing to go out of your way to please your husband.

G – Generously give your husband the gift of sex frequently and give him access to your body, not just in the bedroom. 1 Corinthians 7:5 says, “Don’t withhold yourselves from each other unless you agree to do so for a set time to devote yourselves to prayer. Then you should get back together so that Satan doesn’t use your lack of self-control to tempt you” GWT). [For more on this topic, read this post of mine – Is Withholding Sex from My Husband a Sin?]

S- Seek to spice things up in the bedroom every once in awhile. Remember on Day 10 when we spoke about how the king’s wife invites him to a new sexual adventure? Be willing to try new things. If you aren’t comfortable with doing it today, make a list together of some of the things you’d both like to try and pick one of them to try in the upcoming week.

A word of caution: Steer clear of pushing your husband to do things he isn’t comfortable with. It’s okay to want to try new things, but don’t do anything that would make him feel uncomfortable or ashamed. Hebrews 13:4 is a good gauge to go by: “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled” (ESV).

Today’s 30 Minute Challenge (Nov 19th): Extend Kindness

  • Kindness starts in the mind. Be kind with your thoughts. Think positively about your husband. Don’t dwell on the negatives in your marriage. Don’t judge your husband’s heart and don’t condemn his decisions. That’s God’s job, and you’re not your husband’s Holy Spirit. It’s not your job to convict your spouse – it’s your job to love and exhibit kindness toward your spouse. Today write down 5 kind things about your husband. Share it with him. Get creative. You can show him a list, write him a note and tuck it in his briefcase or computer bag, write it on the mirror, or tack post-its around the house.
  • Kindness is spoken in words. Speak positively about your husband to others. Uplift him when he’s upset or discouraged. Use your words to soothe him when he’s feeling agitated or when he’s ill/injured. Affirm him when he makes good decisions. Challenge yourself this week and give him one compliment a day.
  • Kindness is demonstrated via actions. Go out of your way to do something nice for your husband. Get him a drink when he’s working on something. Bring him clothes while he’s showering. Take the time to genuinely listen to his concerns or about his day.

Five Minute Marathon

Think of one thing you can do today to go out of your way to be kind to your husband. Start small. You don’t have to tackle a mountain all in one day.

Today’s Prayer

Lord, I praise You for Your kindness and compassion. I confess that I struggle with being kind in [insert area of your life] or during [insert specific time or circumstances]. Forgive me. Grant me Your grace. Help me to improve. Show me how to extend kindness to my husband in our marriage and marriage bed. I want to be a kind lover to my husband in my thoughts, words, and actions. Amen. 

Take It a Step Further

Pick one of the above FIGS suggestions and work on it today.

  • If you choose to work on the F part of FIGS, pick an idea from one of these posts: I Am My Husband’s Lover or Go Ahead! Be ‘That’ Couple.
  • If you choose to work on the I part of FIGS, make him comfortable. Use these posts for inspiration (or to catch up if you missed one of these days): Invite Him Home (Day 5), Reclaim Sensuousness (Day 10), or Is Your Bedroom Peaceful? (Day 17).
  • If you choose to work on the G part of FIGS, try the following exercise from Is Withholding Sex from My Husband a Sin?: Communicate with your husband and let him know what turns you on, what turns you off. Then ask him to do the same with you. Ask your husband these questions regularly (once a week): What am I doing that satisfies you? What could I be doing to satisfy you?  Don’t take it as an affront if you’re not satisfying him. Talk it through together to see what areas you could work on together.  Pick one thing this week to improve on.
  • If you choose to work on the S part of FIGS, use my Spicing Up Sex category for suggestions.

Share With Us

How do you practice the fruit of kindness in your marriage? In what other ways can you practically live out kindness in your marriage bed? 

30 Dates in November Challenge

This post is Day 19 in of the  30 Dates in November ChallengeToday’s post included revised bits from the following posts: Always Greener on ‘This’ Side of the Fence, Broken- Love Poured Out, Does God Hate Fig Trees? and Broken Mess. Linking up with Time Warp Wife.




    1. What’s My Secret? Part 3 of Resolution Solutions | Becoming His Eve
    2. 2013 in review & Welcome to 2014 | Becoming His Eve
    3. Now What? Day 31 and Beyond | Becoming His Eve
    4. Transform Your Thinking, Day 30 | Becoming His Eve
    5. Doing Your Husband Good, Day 20 | Becoming His Eve

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