Is Your Bedroom Peaceful? Day 17
The Fruit of Peace & the Marriage Bed
Peace is an essential part of our Christian walk, but it’s one of those fruits that often gets overlooked. The world we live in screams “NOISE!” in our ears, and it’s very hard to ignore these messages. The world is especially noisy when it comes to messages about sex.
In the context of marriage, sex is a peace-establishing-and-reinforcing gift. When my husband and I are intimate with one another frequently, we protect our marriage. Frequent sexual intimacy leads to less arguments, promotes a stronger desire to work toward peace, and forges a stronger union.
Throughout the book of Song of Solomon, we get images of rest, relaxation, and peace.
- “our bed is verdant…” (1:16) [peaceful like in Psalm 23 – lying down in green pastures and beside still waters]
- “I delight to sit in his shade…” (2:4)
- “Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples…” (2:5)
- “You are a garden fountain, a well of flowing water…” (4:15)
- “…he browses among the lilies…” (6:3)
- “May the wine go straight to my beloved, flowing gently over his lips and teeth.” (7:9)
- “I would give you spiced wine to drink, the nectar of pomegranates.” (8:2)
How can you make your bedroom a peaceful, relaxing place? Remember to feed DATES to your marriage.
I don’t know about you, but I can’t concentrate well when my bedroom is messy. Read this fabulous article by Erin from Mystery32, In the Bedroom, about decluttering your bedroom and making it special.
A – Avoid arguments in the bedroom.
Make your marriage bed an argument free zone. My husband and I like to go for walks when we have an issue with one another as we get away from home, distractions, and other people. Discord leads to disharmony and disrupts the intimacy of your bedroom. Agree to leave the bedroom a peaceful haven, and move elsewhere if an issue arises.
T – Trust each other.
It can be extremely difficult to relax if you can’t trust one another. I have a hard time letting go in the moment sometimes because I’m distracted, frustrated, or just can’t seem to let go of my control.
- If you’re distracted, focus on your breathing and foreplay. Focus on delighting in your husband’s body.
- If you have a marital issue, take time outside of the bedroom to work through it before coming to the marriage bed. [***I’m talking specifically about minor arguments, not major trust issues such as adultery or mismanaging funds or physical abuse. If you find yourself in this situation, please go seek outside help.***]
- Ever done a trust walk? One person closes their eyes or is blindfolded while the other person leads them around. This isn’t about one person being in control, and the other person not. It’s about trust and freedom. Releasing my grip on control creates a deeper trust in my husband and frees me from restrictions I may be putting on our marriage bed. Consider modifying this for the bedroom: have one spouse close his/her eyes or gently blindfold each other (in turn) and move hands or other body parts over each other’s bodies, or plant kisses in various places. (If at any point, either of you becomes uncomfortable, you can pause and talk through it. Remember this is about trust and freedom for both of you, not control).
E – Ease each other in.
Help each other relax by making the atmosphere relaxing.
- Add fresh flowers or plants as a symbol of life and the beauty of God’s creation.
- Eighty-six your plasma! Yes, that means take the television and other screens (cell phones, tablets, and laptops) out of the bedroom. Studies show that these screens can interrupt intimacy and disturb sleep cycles.
- Incorporate a comfy throw blanket or a plush rug at the foot of the bed.
- Open your room to fresh pops of color like a romantic red or easy-breezy-blue or a mellow green.
- Use softer lighting or scented candles.
S – Start praying!
Pray for your sexual intimacy with your husband. You can do this together or separately or both. Yes, it may sound awkward, but remember, God wants to bless your sexual union with your husband. I find if I’m unable to relax or something is inhibiting me on the marriage bed, having my husband pray over me while holding my hands or holding me in embrace gives me incredible peace. Inviting God into your bedroom and praying for sex is totally okay. The Unveiled Wife gives ideas for how to pray for your sexual intimacy in this article.
Invite your husband frequently to rest in your beauty. Make your bedroom a sanctuary for your sacred union.
Today’s 30 Minute Challenge (Nov 17th): Relax
Take a few moments to make your bedroom a more peaceful place. If you don’t have time for a thorough cleaning, don’t stress about it. Pick one of the above DATES suggestions and focus on it today.
Five Minute Marathon
Take five minutes and pray for your sexual intimacy today. Choose one of the suggestions from the Unveiled Wife’s article, or incorporate your own. Pray Ephesians 4:3 over your marriage bed. Invite your husband to join you if you desire.
Lord, thank You for desiring a deep, intimate relationship with me. Thank You for your gift of sexual intimacy and union with my husband. Protect us from discord and disharmony. I pray the unity of the Spirit over our marriage bed. Protect us from the Devil trying to undermine our love for one another. Protect us from bringing in outside influences that clog up our intimacy. I pray for healthy body image and being comfortable with one another. I pray for healing in the areas we’ve both been hurt. Lord, we need help in [insert specifics here]. We need healing [insert specifics here]. I pray that we would delight in one another and enjoy each other’s bodies. Keep us strong in the bond of peace. Amen.
Take It a Step Further
Invite your husband to enjoy a sensual massage. I originally posted this idea here.
Help him out of his clothes, and then undress yourself if you so choose. [The visual alone will entice and excite him.] If you like, you can draw a hot bath or step into the shower for a steamy atmosphere.
Spend time exploring his body and getting to know each unique part of his physique. Compliment him and let him know what you like as you go along. Ask him if there are any particular spots that feel tired and achy. Give those areas some extra time.
Start slow by massaging his scalp, moving your fingers in circular movements. Move down to his neck, trailing it with kisses and lightly trickling your fingers over his skin. Playfully tease his earlobes between your thumb and pointer finger. Rub his temples and forehead softly. Gently knead out knots in his neck and shoulders. Admire his arms and give his biceps a gentle squeeze. Trail your fingers over his chest and abdomen. (Skip the middle and save the “best” for last”). Turn him over and work down his back slowly and tenderly. Massage his feet, ankles, wrists, and hands, interspersing kisses. Work up both of his legs, first on the outside, then the inside. Then don’t neglect the “middle!” Spend some extra-special time loving his “sweet spots.”
Massaging his entire body is likely to lead to arousal. Sex has been known to be a great stress reliever, helping to boost positive emotions, lowering blood pressure, burning off calories, alleviating anxiety, and releasing physical tension. I’ve even surprisingly kicked a headache from time to time. Cap off the night by making love. You’ll leave your husband extremely satisfied and happy!
See Other CMBA Resources:
- Gaye of CalmHealthySexy has so many wonderful posts on reducing stress, living healthier, and promoting peace in the bedroom and life in general that I can’t list them all! Please check out her blog: CalmHealthySexy.com
- Deciding Your Boundaries and How to Spice Things Up Without 50 Shades of Grey from To Love, Honor, and Vacuum
- Controlling Sex from One Flesh Marriage
- Are You Afraid of Intimacy? from Journey to Surrender
- Five Ways to Sustain Sexual Freedom in Marriage #1 Believe and #2 Silence Outside Voices from Do Not Disturb
- 4 Ways Sex Can Comfort in Crisis or Grief from Hot, Holy, and Humorous
Share With Us
How do you promote peace in your marriage? How does having peace in other areas of life help promote “peace” in your marriage bed?