5 Ways to Infuse Joy in Your Marriage, Day 16
The Fruit of Joy & the Marriage Bed
When I was younger, I had this dream about making out in the produce section of the grocery store. Something about the freshness, the vibrant color, and even the romance in the middle of something very “everyday” really appealed to me. When I got married, I remember sharing the story with the my husband the first time we went grocery shopping together. He pulled me toward him for a whopping kiss in between the Concord grapes and Bartlett pears. I’ll never forget that moment. I was overjoyed. It was everything I thought it would be, and more.
Fruit is good for the body, but it’s also good for the soul. Yesterday we talked about the fruit of love and how deep marital intimacy needs to start connected to the Vine, that is Christ. I quoted John 15 which speaks of how we will produce the fruit of love when we remain in Christ Jesus. I love what Jesus says next – “I have told you this so that My joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete” (vs 11). When your relationship with your husband is built on love, Jesus is pleased. God is full of joy when you fully enjoy one another’s presence and deeply engage in the gift of sexual intimacy. Remember Day 4? God says, “Eat friends; drink and imbibe deeply, O lovers” (Song of Solomon 5:1). God wants you to experience the fullness of joy in your marriage bed.
Proverbs 5:18 tells men to rejoice in the wife of their youth, and I feel the same thing applies to us wives. Rejoice in the husband you married.
How can you practically rejoice in your husband? Remember to feed an APPLE to your marriage.
A – Allow time for intimacy.
All throughout the Song of Solomon, we read about the importance of sexual union and intimacy. The king and his wife make time to be intimate with one another. Make time for sex frequently. You don’t have to take yourselves too seriously either. Have fun with your intimacy. Laugh together. Be creative and incorporate things you both enjoy into the marriage bed. Perhaps find a feather boa or a piece of lingerie in your husband’s favorite color. Try progressive foreplay or make love to movie credits in your bedroom like I mentioned in Reclaim Sensuousness, Day 10’s challenge. In her book, Pillow Talk, Karen Scalf Linamen writes about a time when she was particularly stressed and her husband showed up at her doorway with a tray full of their favorite snacks. The Pringles he brought kind of got all over the bed. Sex doesn’t have to be perfect. Make it fun.
P – Play together.
Do something your husband loves and then teach him something you love. My husband recently introduced me to a massive multiplayer online roleplaying game. I didn’t think I was going to like it, but I actually have loved it. I’ve enjoyed letting my husband teach me something new, even if retaining all the information at times can be frustrating. I’m still thinking about what I’m going to teach my husband. It doesn’t have to be on the computer. It can be a board game like Scrabble, a puzzle you two put together, or a strip version of another game you both like playing. Twister can also be a great game for foreplay. It also doesn’t have to be inside either. Get outdoors and play mini golf, drive go-karts, head to an amusement park, try couples volleyball, tennis, or another sport offered by your local community center. Try shooting hoops at the park or tossing around a frisbee. Go biking, hiking, or geo-caching. Get outside and be active together.
P – Praise together.
I love holding my husband’s hand when we worship God together. Sing praise hymns or worship songs in your car, while cooking together, while doing household chores, even while showering. Go someplace you both can concentrate and pray together. Praise God for who He is, for each other, and for all He has done in your lives. Cultivate a heart of gratitude.
L – Laugh together.
Be silly. Once I took a tube of bubbles and blew them over the shower curtain while my husband was showering as a surprise. Adam and I have this teasing bit we do. As he’s leaving for work, I lean in the car window and give him a kiss, then I attempt to lock the door without him realizing. I haven’t been able to get away with it yet. But it’s fun and it makes us both smile and laugh. Playfully tease each other. I shared this last Christmas,
It’s hard to make my husband laugh, but when I do, the result is priceless. Sometimes I have to be downright goofy to get him to even crack a smile (but then again, I’m always kind of goofy). But to make Adam smile and laugh is a precious joy of mine. I can always tell when he’s really enjoying himself because he’s smiling and laughing, and I look forward to the end of the day when he comes home and has a big smile on his face – so happy to see me! It makes me feel so special.”
Work to make your husband smile and laugh.
E – Enjoy Each Other’s Presence.
Spend quality time together frequently. My husband and I try to carve out at least a few minutes a day to “check in” with one another, to talk, to laugh, and to pray with one another. Enjoy your husband’s presence. You don’t necessarily have to be doing something specifically with him. I often just enjoy being in the same room as my husband even if we’re not doing things together. His mere presence is a comfort and a joy. I love having him close.
Today’s 30 Minute Challenge (Nov 16th): Choose Joy
Pick one of the above APPLE suggestions and work on it today. Perhaps you can introduce something new into the bedroom, give him a a fun little gift, plan an outdoor activity to get the blood pumping, turn on some worship music while you’re driving somewhere or while eating dinner, find fun ways to flirt with him, or try just “being” together and choosing one of the activities I suggested on Day 7 of this challenge.
5 Minute Marathon
Infuse a little silly into your day. Here are some suggestions I originally suggested here. Pick one of them to do today.
- Pick up a book of jokes and try a few out on your husband.
- Clip a funny cartoon out of the local newspaper to share.
- Share a funny memory.
- Let your husband know what makes you laugh.
- Read each other a funny children’s book. (this might take a tad longer than 5 minutes)
- Take turns doing things to make the other person laugh. The other person will try to be serious. First person to break and smile and/or laugh owes the other person a “favor” of their choice.
Dear Jesus, I praise You for Your Joy! I thank You for the joy you’ve given us in salvation. I thank You for the joy you’ve given [insert your husband’s name] and I in [insert area of your life or specific thing]. Fill our hearts with joy. Help us to have joy even in moments of trial and pain and sorrow. Give us Your overabundant love for each other. May we enjoy one another’s presence, and rejoice in our marriage. Amen.
Take It a Step Further
Want to infuse more fun and joy in your bedroom? I have an entire category on my blog called Spicing Up Sex. Read through some of the titles and pick one that intrigues you. Go for it!
Plan a fun date night for you and your husband to enjoy sometime this week. I have a whole host of date night ideas on my blog. Choose a category you’d like – Artsy Dates, Dates on a Budget, Double or Group Dates, Food Dates, Game Dates, Going Out Dates, Great Outdoors Dates, Movie Dates, Music Dates, Seasonal Dates, Service Oriented Dates, Stay-at-Home Dates, Talking Dates, Travel Dates, or Unique and Unusual Dates. Or check out my Pinterest Date Night board for more inspiration. You can even combine the above idea – spicing up sex – with this idea.
This post is Day 16 in of the 30 Dates in November Challenge. See related posts – Sabbath Sex: The Joy of Sex During the Holidays, People of Promise: Celebrating Joy in Your Marriage, The Presence of Joy, I’ve Got Joy Down in My Heart, and The P.R.A.I.S.E.-Filled Heart.
Share with Us
How do you practice joy in your marriage? In what other ways can you be silly or enjoy life together?
- Posted in: 30 Dates in November ♦ 5 Love Languages ♦ Change and Growth ♦ Communication Tips & Techniques ♦ Date Your Spouse ♦ Real Marriage ♦ Romance ♦ Sex ♦ Spicing Up the Bedroom
- Tagged: 30 Dates in November 2013, Physical Affection & Attention, Pillow Talk, Quality Time, Spicing Up Sex, Stay at Home Dates, The Marriage Bed