Personal Worship Connection, Day 9

day 10

According to a survey done by Dr. Gary & Barbara Rosberg, authors of 40 Unforgettable Dates with Your Mate, spiritual intimacy is the #5 need for a man. Gary writes:

…we guys really struggle with this… It doesn’t come easily… as Christian men, we understand that we need to be growing spiritually. We need to have a spiritual connection with God, with you, and with other believers… we also know that God has made us the spiritual leaders in our marriages and… homes. We see that as both a privilege and a responsibility. We are honored with such a high calling, yet we’re often frustrated because of what it demands of us. We know that we need to be servant leaders, and yet sometimes our own lives get in the way and we feel that we are letting you down. Being a spiritual leader, to us, means being ‘on’ all the time – always wise, always fearless, and always trusting God. And you know as well as we do that we often fall short of that goal.

This is why, precious wife, you need to connect with your husband on a spiritually intimate level. Your man needs your help. He needs his ezer kenegdo – sustainer beside him.

Here are some practical suggestions:

spiritual leadership

  1. Reinforce your husband’s personal devotional time in God’s Word. Encourage him to spend time with the Lord. Allow him the time and space he needs. Pray that he would have a thirst for God’s Word.
  2. Ask your husband if there are any supplemental materials he’d like to read along with his devotions. Purchase a book for him. (This is especially good for those husbands who feel most loved through gifts.) 
  3. Pray for his prayer life. Pray for your husband to have a deepened prayer life. Ask him to pray for you and give him specifics. Set aside a time to pray together regularly. (i.e. Adam and I do this before bed.) 
  4. Pray in the moment. If you’re worried or concerned about something, why wait? Something I love about Adam is how he’s quick to say “Let’s pray!” in the moment when we (or someone else needs) need prayer instead of waiting until later. Don’t be afraid to stop what you’re doing and pray together.
  5. Encourage fellowship. Work together to find a Bible-believing and teaching church if you and your husband aren’t currently in a church. Connect weekly with the Body of Christ. Fellowship and worship with other believers. Find a small group to join if you haven’t already. Look for and pray for ways to be involved in ministry and ways to serve within your church together and separately.
  6. Make opportunities for spiritual intimacy. Let your husband know you’re willing to read the Bible together (or a devotional). Initiate prayer times. Ask him to tell you what he’s reading and learning in his personal devotional time. Share with him what you’re learning. Ask God to give you the grace to step back and let your husband lead.

Today’s 30 Minute Challenge (Nov 10th): Personal Worship Connection

*Today’s challenge inspired by 40 Unforgettable Dates with Your Mate 

Ask your husband where and when he feels closest to God. He may need to think about it so give him some time to answer. (If you need to put this activity off until another day, feel free to do so and spend your 30 minutes planning, praying for guidance, and pick a point from the above 1-6 to focus on today). 

He may tell you someplace unrealistic (i.e. the ocean and you live in the Midwest.) Be creative. (i.e. If he says the ocean, buy a sounds of the ocean CD, pick up props like a sandbox, wear your swimsuits, and create an intimate “indoor beach” picnic for two). 

Discover where he senses God’s presence and take him there. Ask him to tell you what this place means to him spiritually.

5 Minute Marathon

If you’re unable to leave your home or don’t have a lot of time, focus on creating a space in the house where he can regularly do devotional time with the Lord. Make the space comfortable (i.e. blankets, pillows). Get him a beverage. Make him a worship songs playlist he can listen to while studying God’s Word today (or to play in the car).

Take It a Step Further

Pick up a copy of Gary Thomas’ Sacred Pathways: Discovering Your Soul’s Path to God, and read through the wonderful guest post series my friend, SwordSail wrote based on this book. Discover how your husband best connects to God and do something this week to bless your husband in this area.

Does he feel closest to God in nature?

  • Go for a nature walk, bike ride, hike, picnic, and/or do devotions.
  • Make love under the stars.
  • Create a love-note treasure hunt or geo-cache. Use the notes to affirm your husband’s love of nature and God.
  • Purchase equipment for the outdoors (i.e. a new backpack, a thermos to carry when hiking, a new reflector for his bike)
  • Sign up to participate in an outdoor service activity like a beach or park clean-up day.

Does he feel closest to God when he’s using his five senses?

  • Visit an art museum or high class art show. 
  • Sign up for art lessons. 
  • Take him to a formal communion service.
  • Make a memory box for your husband to recreate a spiritual experience in his life.  (i.e. I had a particularly amazing spiritual experience at church camp one year. I could see the explosion of stars in the heavens above me, I could smell the pine trees, I could hear the sharp crackling of the fire, and I could feel the warmth of the fire and the crispness of the night. A memory box for me could include glow-in-the-dark stars, matches, a pine tree air freshener, etc). Invite your husband to walk through the memory as he holds/experiences each item.
  • Create a mini prayer vigil for your husband. (i.e. Dim the lights, light scented candles, put out index cards to write down prayer requests, gather pillows and blankets for comfort, put out artistic tools, set out crackers/bread and grape juice/wine for communion, play soft worship music in the background, and place your arms around one another while praying). 

Does he feel closest to God through tradition? 

  • Purchase a book on church traditions. 
  • Head to a local chapel/church to pray together.  
  • Give your husband a symbol to represent his faith. Dr. Gary & Barbara Rosberg suggest a braided rope (three strands braided together to symbolize that you, he, and God are intimately connected.) They also recommend purchasing an indoor vine for the plant lover to represent how Jesus is the Vine and we are the branches.
  • As Christmas is drawing closer, think about Christmas traditions. Advent begins December 1st. Consider making your own advent wreath. Read through one of the gospels together each week leading up until Christmas.

Does he feel closest to God in solitude and silence? 

  • Give him the afternoon off of chores/errands/activities and encourage him to go and be quiet with God. 
  • Consider fasting together for the rest of the month of November from something (i.e. give up soda, sugar, TV, etc) to focus on growing closer to God.
  • Drop one thing from your schedule and spend the time instead with each other and on your joint relationship with the Lord.
  • Create a prayer closet or corner.
  • Focus on eliminating noise pollution in your home. Turn off the TV, shut off the laptop, and silence the cell while eating dinner, spending time together, and praying.
  • Take a walk around your neighborhood at night and stop at different corners or places to quietly pray. (You could also do this on a church campus, school campus, or over rooms in your home). 

Does he feel closest to God in standing up for justice?

  • Sign up to attend a social justice event together.
  • Volunteer in your local community.
  • Write letters to your local government.
  • Arrange a meeting for other believers to get together and pray for government and/or the world.
  • Arrange/attend a fundraiser to raise money for a social justice cause.

Does he feel closest to God when taking care of others? 

  • Volunteer at a local soup kitchen, homeless shelter, or food bank.
  • Invite a family in your church over for a meal.
  • Babysit for families in your neighborhood or church. (My husband & I do this so other married couples with kids can have date nights since we don’t have our own kids yet.)
  • Sign up to go on a short term missions trip.

Does he feel closest to God through mystery and celebration?

  • Throw a party to celebrate a breakthrough in his spiritual walk or another exciting annoucement.
  • Attend a Christian music festival or missions conference.
  • Practice joy. 
  • Celebrate your husband’s presence. 
  • Go Christmas caroling this holiday season.
  • Regularly fellowship with other believers.

Does he feel closest to God through adoration? 

  • Do a secret act of devotion (i.e. write an anonymous note of encouragement to someone together or leave a gift basket for a needy family).
  • Plant seeds in an indoor garden box (or bulbs for spring) in honor of God.
  • Encourage him to write out his prayers, praises, and songs to the Lord.
  • Meditate on and memorize Scripture together.

Does he feel closest to God through intellect? 

  • Encourage him to join a men’s Bible study, to attend a men’s conference, or Bible workshop.
  • Purchase him supplemental books for his devotional reading.
  • Engage regularly with him in conversation about what he’s learning and Biblical topics.
  • Give him uninterrupted studying time.

30 Dates in November Challenge

This post is Day 9 in of the  30 Dates in November Challenge.See related posts – 13 Ideas for Earthy Romance, Praying the Armor of God on Your Husband, Talk About Things of God, and Encouraging Godly Fellowship.

Share with Us

How do you connect best with the Lord? How does your husband? How do you differ? How are you the same? Share with us your plans for creating a personal worship connection experience for your husband.



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