Talk Him Up, Day 6

day 6

Back in October, my husband and I took a road trip with his parents to Nebraska. We planned to leave around 6 P.M. and my husband arrived home from work at 5:54. That’s when I discovered he hadn’t packed yet.

Now before I go any further, I have to clarify something. My biggest pet peeve is being late. I really hate being late. I try to always be on time, but I’ve discovered when I’m waiting on someone else, that isn’t always possible.

Back to my story… so my husband hadn’t packed, even though I had reminded him the night before. Everyone was ready to leave, and he’s downstairs… not packing! In fact, he was slowly downloading onto his tablet episodes of a television show he wanted us to watch on the trip. Meanwhile, I’m frantically trying to figure out what he needs/wants upstairs. I’m growing more and more frustrated by the minute. I was feeling an enormous amount of pressure since I hate being rushed.

About this time, his parents try pulling out of the garage to finish packing their trunk, and guess what? Adam’s car is blocking them in.  I’m yelling downstairs to explain the situation. Adam’s not hearing me, or not responding in the precise split second I want him to, and I’ve about had it.

Of course, I also expected him to read my mind and carry my heavy, heavy bags out to the car (since of course, I can’t pack lightly). When he doesn’t, I’m stuck carrying my big suitcase outside, my book bag, my coat, my blanket (in case I’m cold), my pillow (since I dislike sleeping on anybody else’s), my purse, my Starbucks, and trying to balance all that while trying to open the car door. Recipe for disaster! The car door is locked.

I’m steaming. No, I’m fuming. I’ve let it all build up inside me. Then Adam’s dad asks me if we’re ready, and I start spewing… oh yes, embarrassingly so, expressing with punctuated words exactly how I feel about my husband at that moment. And worse still, my husband walks around the corner as I’m bad-mouthing him. Talk about shameful!

All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.” James 3:9-12 

Ouch! In my explosive moment, I wasn’t thinking about Adam being made in God’s image. Your husband has been made in God’s image. He has a piece of the Creator God in him, just as you do. While his actions may not always reflect Christ, your husband is still a child of God and his existence is a testimony to God’s great glory. Does that change the way you look at him? 

James continues:

Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such ‘wisdom’ does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.” James 3:13-17

We exercise godly wisdom when our words are pure, peace-loving, considerate, submissive, merciful, impartial, sincere, and full of good fruit – evidence of the Holy Spirit working in our hearts. There is no easy fix when it comes to taming the tongue. You can’t do it yourself. But…

You can have victory over your tongue because Christ claimed victory for you. Jesus triumphed over the grave so your sin past, present, and future is paid for, dead, and buried.

God isn’t looking for perfection. If He was, we’d all fail. Lysa Terkeurst, author of Unglued, explains we should aim for what she calls “imperfect progress – slow steps of progress wrapped in grace.”

Embrace God’s grace. Ask Jesus to cover your tongue in His blood.  Make a sincere effort to follow the wisdom of the Word of God through the power of Christ, and ask the Holy Spirit to empower and protect you when you’re unable or unwilling to control your tongue.

Today’s 30 Minute Challenge (Nov 6th): Talk Him Up!

*Today’s challenge is inspired by The Husband Project 

[10 mins] Write out today’s Bible verse (Ephesians 4:29). Meditate. Look up word definitions. Cross reference to other verses in the Bible speaking about words. Try some verses from this list:

[5 mins] Write a prayer using these verses. 

[2-10 mins depending on how many people you talk to] Focus on saying positive things about your husband today. Make an opportunity today to brag about your husband to someone else. Let someone else know how blessed you are to be married to your man.

Then take 3-5 minutes and let your man know what you said and to whom so he can be even more blessed. 

Kathi Lipp, author of The Husband Project , writes, “Our husbands want to be our heroes. More than they want to know that we love them, they want to know that we respect them. They need to know that they’re never the butt of our jokes [or in my case and perhaps yours, that you aren’t bashing them behind their backs]” 

Need some inspiration?

  • Talk to the important people in his life – his friends, his parents, your kids, his co-workers, etc. One thing I always like to do is to tell my family how Adam is doing a good job of loving me. His in-laws (my parents) like to hear that he’s taking care of me well.
  • Talk to strangers. I’ve told people in the checkout line how much I appreciate various aspects of my husband before. If I’m wearing a piece of jewelry he gave me and I get a compliment, I use that as an opportunity to tell people what great taste Adam has.
  • Brag about his job. Just today I was talking about how proud I was about my husband, how well he was doing at work, and how much his company values him.
  • Talk about his positive character traits. I told the ladies in my Bible study group how much I appreciate Adam’s patience with me, I told my worship team how much I appreciate Adam’s support of my interests, and I told his mother how much I appreciated how responsible Adam is.
  • Talk about things he does around the house. Whatever he does, no matter how small (I appreciate how my husband puts his lunchbox and water bottle back in the same place every night so I don’t have to hunt for it in the morning), brag about it to others.
  • Brag about things he did in the past. My husband had my engagement ring custom made. Anytime I get a compliment, it’s the perfect opportunity to tell the story of how it was made and how much my husband went all out when proposing.

5 Minute Marathon

Take 1-5 minutes to share something positive about your husband with someone else today. You can talk to 5 different people for a minute each or 1 person for 5 minutes. Then share briefly with your husband what you said and to whom you said it. Let him know he was the “hero” in your story today.

Today’s Prayer

Lord, may the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to You. Thank You for creating your son, my husband [insert name]. Thank You for blessing me with a husband who [insert an action, attribute, attitude, etc that your husband has that’s a blessing to you]. Thank You for making him in Your image. Help me to remember that my husband is Your creation. May I reflect Your image back to my husband through my words. Guard my tongue against speaking negative things about my husband deliberately and unintentionally. Keep me from gossiping, venting, and spewing. Make my words pure, peaceable, respectful, loving, considerate, submissive, merciful, impartial, and sincere. May my words be full of the fruit of Your Spirit working in my heart. I choose to say words that only build my husband up instead of tearing him down. Amen. 

Take It a Step Further

Keep a gratitude journal for the remaining 25 days in November. Kathy suggests you write down 5 things you’re grateful for when it comes to your husband. This can be great motivation for continuing the challenge, even on the days when you don’t feel like it or when you don’t feel the most loving toward your husband.

30 Dates in November Challenge

This post is Day 6 in of the  30 Dates in November Challenge. Check out related posts – Bashing Your Husband is Off Limits, Driving to the Moon and Back – Protecting Your Husband’s Heart, and Uplift Him with Your Words

Brag About Him!

Share a story with us about how your husband is blessing. 

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8 Comments

  1. lesley

    My husband works his booty off all week, and OT to support us. And he still makes efforts to spend some qt with me in the evenings, and with the kids at least once on the weekend. He is also generous in his gift giving – i have never met anyone as generous and ready to celebrate a birthday (a real celebration of each of us in his family) like he is.

    • That’s awesome, Lesley. Treasure this! It’s a wonderful blessing. I’m so glad be makes you and your children a priority. God’s love and joy to you.

  2. messymarriage

    I love your authenticity in this post, Hannah! I can totally relate to the frustration over my husband not moving as fast as I am. He’s from Tennessee and they all seem to move at a snails pace down there! ha! But I love your challenge to all of us. We do need to be careful with what we let come out of our mouths, especially when speaking about our husbands. And I really love your heart to resource us with ideas to ratchet our relationship up a notch, sweet friend. You always blow me away with all that you serve up in your posts. Thanks for the encouragement and help!

    • Thank you Beth for visiting today. It seems like many husbands and wives move at different paces than their spouses, so it’s nice to know I’m not alone. Thanks for your words of encouragement. Blessings to you!

  3. Lisa

    My husband blesses me in so many ways. This morning before he left for work, he cubed the pork loin so that it would be easier for me to cook dinner. I have ms, and my energy is very limited. He gives me my injection 6 out of 7 days a week. He frequently brings me my medication in the evening. He usually calls on his way home from work to see if I need anything from the grocery store. Those are just a few of the ways I am blessed.

    • I’m so glad you have a husband who desires to bless you. Never take him for granted! I’ve been talking to so many women who are hurting right now during this challenge who don’t have such wonderful husbands, and it makes me all the more grateful for the one I have and the others out there. Thanks for sharing your blessings with all of us.

Trackbacks

  1. Now What? Day 31 and Beyond | Becoming His Eve
  2. Doing Your Husband Good, Day 20 | Becoming His Eve

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