Give Yourself Permission to Be a Sensuous Woman, Day 4
1 Timothy 4:4-5 says, “For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected, if it is received with gratitude; for it is sanctified by the means of the word of God and prayer.”
God created you to be sexual and sensuous. He called your body good, even your sexual parts. We have a tendency to separate our physical, sexual selves from our godly, spiritual selves. This kind of dualism isn’t God-honoring.
The word “sensuous” has negative connotations. We often equate sensuousness with earthly, fleshly, ungodly desires, but this isn’t the meaning of the word. Webster’s Dictionary defines the word “sensual” is defined as “unrestrained sexual appetite; the gratification of the senses or the indulgence of appetite.” However, the word sensuous is described as: “appealing to the senses; affecting the senses in a pleasant way; alive to the pleasure to be received through the senses.”
One of the biggest reasons we have trouble embracing our sensuousness is because of the impact the world has had on sexuality. We think because the world has so perverted sex, we should avoid it altogether or deny ourselves the gift of releasing our sensuousness to our husbands.
In Song of Solomon, we read about how the king and his wife have passionate, pure sexual intimacy. God describes their delight in one another in great and explicit detail. God provides a blueprint for what marriage bed bliss is supposed to look like.
The king and his wife are in the midst of their steamy, sensuous lovemaking. Suddenly, God appears. In Song of Songs 5:1, He says, “Eat, friends; drink and imbibe deeply, O lovers” (NASB).
That doesn’t sound condemning. That doesn’t sound like God’s confused. That doesn’t sound like what they’re doing is far from spiritual. God gives them His divine permission and blessing with these words. Sweet sister, your sexuality and the spirituality are integrated.
Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus, authors of Intimate Issues, expand:
[God] meant for the spiritual and sexual to melt together. Why else would God take the ultimate sexual act, sexual intercourse between a husband and wife, and liken it to the ultimate spiritual experience, the union of Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:31-32)? Just as a husband and wife experience deep joy as they lose themselves and merge into oneness at the moment of sexual climax, we experience ultimate joy as we become one with Jesus in a union that leads to incomprehensible joy. Sexual intercourse mirrors our relationship to God and causes us to worship Him for giving us this good gift. Spiritual intimacy and delight are not in opposition to sexual intimacy and delight. Spiritual intimacy is actually found in the midst of the relational, fleshly delight of sexual union.”
God created you with gloriously beautiful sexuality and wants you to enjoy sexual intercourse with your husband. When you enter sexual intimacy with your husband, you please and glorify God just as when you enter into intimacy with Him.
Today’s 30 Minute Challenge (Nov 4th): Give Yourself Permission
inspired by Intimate Issues
[2 mins] Pray for God to renew your mind. Pray that God would silence the voices that shout, “Don’t be sensuous!” Pray that you would believe God has given you permission to be sensuous.
[2 mins] Pray for God to renew your heart. Pray that God would make you a whole woman who doesn’t divide her sexual and spiritual self.
[2 mins] Pray that God would help you be a sensuous lover to your husband. Ask God to help you to experience sexual pleasure the way that He intends. Ask God to “invigorate your senses and draw your [heart] to shout with gratitude and praise to God.”
[20 mins] On Day 2 of this challenge, you read through the book of Song of Solomon. Today I want to take a closer look at the wife of the king as a godly, sensuous woman. As you read through these verses, give yourself permission to be a sensuous wife. Read how the Shulamite embraced her sexuality to the fullest:
- She invites him to kiss her and delights in his kisses. Song of Solomon 1:2
- She allows him access to her breasts. Song of Solomon 2:16; 6:3; 8:10
- She guides his hands to where she would like them. Song of Solomon 2:6; 8:3
- She captivates him. Song of Solomon 4:9-15
- She whispers longingly in his ear. Song of Solomon 4:16
- She is eager. Song of Solomon 1:4; 2:3-4
- She is adventurous. Song of Solomon 7:11-13
- She is uninhibited & allows him to watch and delight in her sensuousness. Song of Solomon 7:1-9
[4 mins] Think about your own sexual intimacy with your husband. Think about the Shulamite woman’s actions. Which one do you relate to the easiest? Which one do you struggle with the most? What would you like to apply more in your marriage?
5 Minute Marathon
Write out today’s Bible verse (1 Timothy 4:4-5).
Repeat to yourself (and you may want to write these down on a notes app on your phone, on 3×5 cards, or on sticky notes for your desk):
- I believe God has created me to be a spiritual and sexual being.
- I believe God has given me permission to be a sensuous woman.
- I believe God approves of, is pleased by, and will bless my sexual intimacy with my husband.
- I accept and delight in the gift of my sensuousness.
- I desire to deeply taste the joy, pleasure, passion, and delight of lovemaking.
- I believe God can help me [take an action from above and insert here, i.e. be more adventurous, become more eager, etc…]
Passionate God, You are faithful. Your Word is true. Lord, forgive me for the times where I’ve been hemmed in by fear and the times I’ve deliberately isolated myself from something You created to be good. Forgive me for the times I’ve divided my sexuality and spirituality Thank You for Your wondrous gift of sex. Help me to embrace my sexuality wholeheartedly. Help me to please my husband and take delight in our sexual union. I yield to You, O Holy Spirit. Teach me how to become to sensuous passionate woman You created me to be. Amen.
Take It a Step Further
Be naked with your husband today. This doesn’t need to lead to lovemaking so you might want to clarify that in advance with your husband. Let him know you just want to delight your eyes in each other’s naked bodies and to explore with your hands (if you like) without the pressure of sexual intercourse. Unclothe yourselves and lie on your bed. Just have a conversation. Tell him what you love about his body and ask him to do the same to you. Use descriptive words. If you feel comfortable, have him touch you in these places (and vice versa) to express how you each love the feel of these parts.
If you’re self-conscious about how you look, remember you don’t need to be shy. You are a glorious and beautiful creation! God has given you permission to be a sensuous woman. Have a blanket or a sheet nearby to cover up if you need to, and try low, soft lighting. Talk through it. Don’t focus on what you don’t have or what you’d like to look like. Focus on what you do have. Focus on the positive.
Invite him to be hands on by taking a shower together. Allow the steamy water to slither down your bodies and help relax you. Place his hands where you’d like them to be. Move at your own pace. No rush. This is an exercise in meditating on and basking in the glory, wonder, and beauty of one another’s bodies.
How are you doing with the challenge? Do you want to quit? I’m sure feeling that way and I’m not even there yet as I’m still writing this in mid-October. The last three days worth of writing has been draining. Trying to figure out what to write has been tough, but I believe God will bless this journey even if I’m the only one on it. While the first three days of the 30 Dates in November Challenge has been intense, I know God wanted me to include those words in the challenge.
Back on October 21st, I wrote these words:
This isn’t just a fun little thing you can do to love on your husband for 30 days and then stop on November 30th, feeling like you’ve accomplished something, walk away, and resume living your normal life. I’m hoping for change – real change… Like Kathy [Lipp, author of The Husband Project], I’m writing this challenge for the 94% of us. The ones, she describes as, “who want better relationships with [their] men and are willing to be creative, thoughtful, and possibly daring enough to break out some lingerie to get it.” But I’m also writing this challenge to those of us who are ready to take our marriages to the next level, whatever that may be for you. This challenge is designed to stretch you outside your comfort zone, to help you to grow in your walk with the Lord and in your marriage, to get deeper in touch with yourself, and to break free of things that may have been holding you back from a truly great marriage!
I knew I’d risk alienating you when I embarked on this challenge, and I knew I risked you backing out of the challenge. If you’ve made it this far and are ready to keep going, congratulations! Keep going, sister in Christ! Don’t give up! I know God’s working in you.
Share with Us
How does knowing that God gives you His full permission to be a sensuous wife change your perspective on sexual intimacy with your husband?