Give Yourself Permission to Be a Sensuous Woman, Day 4

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How can I be godly and sensuous? Good Christian women don’t strive to be sensuous; they strive to be godly, right? 

1 Timothy 4:4-5 says, “For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected, if it is received with gratitude; for it is sanctified by the means of the word of God and prayer.”

God created you to be sexual and sensuous. He called your body good, even your sexual parts. We have a tendency to separate our physical, sexual selves from our godly, spiritual selves. This kind of dualism isn’t God-honoring.

The word “sensuous” has negative connotations. We often equate sensuousness with earthly, fleshly, ungodly desires, but this isn’t the meaning of the word. Webster’s Dictionary defines the word “sensual” is defined as “unrestrained sexual appetite; the gratification of the senses or the indulgence of appetite.” However, the word sensuous is described as: “appealing to the senses; affecting the senses in a pleasant way; alive to the pleasure to be received through the senses.”

One of the biggest reasons we have trouble embracing our sensuousness is because of the impact the world has had on sexuality. We think because the world has so perverted sex, we should avoid it altogether or deny ourselves the gift of releasing our sensuousness to our husbands.

In Song of Solomon, we read about how the king and his wife have passionate, pure sexual intimacy. God describes their delight in one another in great and explicit detail.  God provides a blueprint for what marriage bed bliss is supposed to look like.

The king and his wife are in the midst of their steamy, sensuous lovemaking. Suddenly, God appears. In Song of Songs 5:1, He says, “Eat, friends; drink and imbibe deeply, O lovers” (NASB).

That doesn’t sound condemning. That doesn’t sound like God’s confused. That doesn’t sound like what they’re doing is far from spiritual. God gives them His divine permission and blessing with these words. Sweet sister, your sexuality and the spirituality are integrated. 

Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus, authors of Intimate Issuesexpand:

[God] meant for the spiritual and sexual to melt together. Why else would God take the ultimate sexual act, sexual intercourse between a husband and wife, and liken it to the ultimate spiritual experience, the union of Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:31-32)? Just as a husband and wife experience deep joy as they lose themselves and merge into oneness at the moment of sexual climax, we experience ultimate joy as we become one with Jesus in a union that leads to incomprehensible joy. Sexual intercourse mirrors our relationship to God and causes us to worship Him for giving us this good gift. Spiritual intimacy and delight are not in opposition to sexual intimacy and delight. Spiritual intimacy is actually found in the midst of the relational, fleshly delight of sexual union.”

God created you with gloriously beautiful sexuality and wants you to enjoy sexual intercourse with your husband. When you enter sexual intimacy with your husband, you please and glorify God just as when you enter into intimacy with Him.  

Today’s 30 Minute Challenge (Nov 4th): Give Yourself Permission

inspired by Intimate Issues

[2 mins] Pray for God to renew your mind. Pray that God would silence the voices that shout, “Don’t be sensuous!” Pray that you would believe God has given you permission to be sensuous.

[2 mins] Pray for God to renew your heart. Pray that God would make you a whole woman who doesn’t divide her sexual and spiritual self.

[2 mins] Pray that God would help you be a sensuous lover to your husband. Ask God to help you to experience sexual pleasure the way that He intends. Ask God to “invigorate your senses and draw your [heart] to shout with gratitude and praise to God.”

[20 mins] On Day 2 of this challenge, you read through the book of Song of Solomon. Today I want to take a closer look at the wife of the king as a godly, sensuous woman. As you read through these verses, give yourself permission to be a sensuous wife. Read how the Shulamite embraced her sexuality to the fullest:

[4 mins] Think about your own sexual intimacy with your husband. Think about the Shulamite woman’s actions. Which one do you relate to the easiest? Which one do you struggle with the most? What would you like to apply more in your marriage? 

5 Minute Marathon

Write out today’s Bible verse (1 Timothy 4:4-5).

Repeat to yourself (and you may want to write these down on a notes app on your phone, on 3×5 cards, or on sticky notes for your desk):

  • I believe God has created me to be a spiritual and sexual being.
  • I believe God has given me permission to be a sensuous woman. 
  • I believe God approves of, is pleased by, and will bless my sexual intimacy with my husband.
  • I accept and delight in the gift of my sensuousness.
  • I desire to deeply taste the joy, pleasure, passion, and delight of lovemaking. 
  • I believe God can help me [take an action from above and insert here, i.e. be more adventurous, become more eager, etc…]

Today’s Prayer

Passionate God, You are faithful. Your Word is true. Lord, forgive me for the times where I’ve been hemmed in by fear and the times I’ve deliberately isolated myself from something You created to be good. Forgive me for the times I’ve divided my sexuality and spirituality  Thank You for Your wondrous gift of sex. Help me to embrace my sexuality wholeheartedly. Help me to please my husband and take delight in our sexual union. I yield to You, O Holy Spirit. Teach me how to become to sensuous passionate woman You created me to be. Amen. 

Take It a Step Further

Be naked with your husband today. This doesn’t need to lead to lovemaking so you might want to clarify that in advance with your husband. Let him know you just want to delight your eyes in each other’s naked bodies and to explore with your hands (if you like) without the pressure of sexual intercourse. Unclothe yourselves and lie on your bed. Just have a conversation. Tell him what you love about his body and ask him to do the same to you. Use descriptive words. If you feel comfortable, have him touch you in these places (and vice versa) to express how you each love the feel of these parts.

If you’re self-conscious about how you look, remember you don’t need to be shy. You are a glorious and beautiful creation! God has given you permission to be a sensuous woman. Have a blanket or a sheet nearby to cover up if you need to, and try low, soft lighting. Talk through it. Don’t focus on what you don’t have or what you’d like to look like. Focus on what you do have. Focus on the positive.

Invite him to be hands on by taking a shower together. Allow the steamy water to slither down your bodies and help relax you. Place his hands where you’d like them to be. Move at your own pace. No rush. This is an exercise in meditating on and basking in the glory, wonder, and beauty of one another’s bodies.

checkpointCheckpoint

How are you doing with the challenge? Do you want to quit? I’m sure feeling that way and I’m not even there yet as I’m still writing this in mid-October. The last three days worth of writing has been draining. Trying to figure out what to write has been tough, but I believe God will bless this journey even if I’m the only one on it. While the first three days of the 30 Dates in November Challenge has been intense, I know God wanted me to include those words in the challenge.

Back on October 21st, I wrote these words:

 This isn’t just a fun little thing you can do to love on your husband for 30 days and then stop on November 30th, feeling like you’ve accomplished something, walk away, and resume living your normal life. I’m hoping for change – real change… Like Kathy [Lipp, author of The Husband Project], I’m writing this challenge for the 94% of us. The ones, she describes as, “who want better relationships with [their] men and are willing to be creative, thoughtful, and possibly daring enough to break out some lingerie to get it.” But I’m also writing this challenge to those of us who are ready to take our marriages to the next level, whatever that may be for you. This challenge is designed to stretch you outside your comfort zone, to help you to grow in your walk with the Lord and in your marriage, to get deeper in touch with yourself, and to break free of things that may have been holding you back from a truly great marriage!

I knew I’d risk alienating you when I embarked on this challenge, and I knew I risked you backing out of the challenge. If you’ve made it this far and are ready to keep going, congratulations! Keep going, sister in Christ! Don’t give up! I know God’s working in you.

30 Dates in November Challenge

This post is Day 4 in of the  30 Dates in November Challenge. Check out these related posts – What Are Your Sexpectations?, Confidence is Sexy, and Unveiled

Share with Us

How does knowing that God gives you His full permission to be a sensuous wife change your perspective on sexual intimacy with your husband? 

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10 Comments

  1. Lilyisfree

    Today is where the challenge becomes fierce for me. Thank you for making it clear that sexuality and spirituality are not in separate categories! Thank you for being raw and real and relevant. Reading these scriptures and your spirit led blog help to retrain old patterns of thinking, giving exposure to the truth and to God’s heart for wholeness in every area – even and particularly in the arena of sexuality. Blessings to you!

    • Thank you Lilyisfree! I appreciate your kind comments. I’m firmly believe we, as the Church, need to talk about sexuality and sensuousness and spirituality in the same context more frequently. I firmly believe we as the Body of Christ need to teach, equip, and encourage wives to believe God created us to be sexual and spiritual, and that He can redeem our sexuality and make it so beautiful. I’m so glad you’re making progress on the challenge. Keep going strong!

  2. Heather

    Yesterday’s challenge was a tough one, but I’m committed to making it through. Thanks for writing the hard challenges for us!

    • Breaking free of self-condemning labels is challenging and tough. I’m so glad you’re committed to keep going. Praise the Lord!

Trackbacks

  1. Marriage Ministry Matters – January 2015
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  5. 5 Ways to Infuse Joy in Your Marriage, Day 16 | Becoming His Eve
  6. Reclaim Sensuousness, Day 10 | Becoming His Eve

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