30 Dates in November Revamped: Planning to Love Your Husband Purposefully
Last year in November, I instituted a challenge to all my female readers called 30 Dates in November. This year I’m revamping the challenge, and I’d like you to join me on a journey to love, respect, and honor your husband intentionally.
What is 30 Dates in November?
The purpose of the 30 Dates in November Challenge is to plan to love your husband purposefully for 30 days in a row.
During the 30 days of November, come back and visit BHE every day for a daily project challenge to:
- Spice up your passion
- Serve your spouse in new ways
- Surprise your honey with little gifts
- Communicate your love in fresh ways
- Try out some unique date night/activity ideas
What Will the 30 Dates in November Projects Look Like?
Each project will be designed to be short and sweet, do-able even for the busiest of wives. Each date (day) of the month is an opportunity to love on your husband and improve your marriage. Don’t look at the challenge as one more thing to check off your to-do list. This challenge is not intended to be a burden. The challenge is intended to provide a springboard for creatively and purposefully loving your man.
Every marriage is different. What works for my marriage won’t necessarily work for yours, and vice versa. I’m working to make each challenge specific, and yet flexible so you can tailor it to your marriage
Each day will have a prayer for you to pray and a Bible verse for encouragement. I’ll also include varying time commitment ideas from:
- The 5 Minute Marathon (something you can do quickly in 5 minutes)
- The 30 Minute Challenge (something you can do in 30 minutes)
- Take It a Step Further (something you’ll need to plan to commit a longer amount of time to)
I would highly encourage you to do the prayer and read/meditate on the Bible verse of the day. But you don’t need to complete all three parts of the challenge. Pick one that works for your day and do it. If you’re feeling ambitious, do two or three. The point is to intentionally do something every single day.
I’ll be focusing on the 5 Love Languages: physical affection & attention, acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, and gifts. If you don’t know your love language or your husband’s, I encourage you to take the 5 Love Languages quiz on Gary Chapman’s site before the month of November begins. This will help you to choose your focus for the month, and to better understand how your husband needs and wants to feel loved.
Also I’ll be drawing from Kathy Lipp’s book The Husband Project: 21 Days to Loving Your Man on Purpose and With a Plan. You do not need to get this book. I’ll just be using some of her ideas for inspiration.
What 30 Dates in November Is Not!
1. The challenge is not designed to be the magic cure-all for all the issues in your marriage.
Maybe your husband won’t notice what you’re doing. Don’t be discouraged. 30 Dates in November isn’t about recognition and letting your husband (or the whole world) know what an absolutely ah-may-zing wife you are. It’s not about you. It’s about him.
Here are 2 verses to encourage you if you find yourself in this situation:
- Philippians 2:3-4 reminds us, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
- Galatians 6:9 encourages us, “Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.“
Maybe he’ll be suspicious about what you’re doing.You don’t need to plan extravagant date nights every night of the challenge or be elaborate in your declarations of love for him. The point is: You don’t need to overwhelm him with gushing love immediately or every day. If you’ve barely been speaking to your husband and then you suddenly start lavishing attention on him, he might be suspicious. Start gradual and work your way up.
I love what Lipp writes in The Husband Project:
The Husband Project is as much about changing our attitudes as it is about blessing your husband. It’s great to get positive reinforcement and when you do, write it down so you can remember it and tailor the way that you show your love in the future. But even when your husband says nothing [or if he grows suspicious] you have the knowledge that you’ve actively shown him love & support.
2. The challenge can’t be done lightly.
While it is not my intention to overwhelm any of my readers, I do want to be clear that 30 Dates in November is a challenge. It is designed to get you thinking outside of the box. It is designed to stretch you outside your comfort zone. It is designed to help you grow in addition to inspiring you to love on your husband. There will be days when you feel like giving up. There will be days when you don’t feel like loving your husband. There will be days when you’re so busy with life that you feel like you can’t possibly fit another thing in.
Remember: Next to God, your husband is to be your top priority!
Keep going! Love your husband even when he’s unlovable. Make time to love on him. Recognize that you will be tested during this time, and that’s why this project needs to be taken seriously and needs to be bathed in prayer. Start praying today for next month.
Why Do 30 Dates in November?
The holidays are coming. It is an especially busy time of year. But this is exactly why you should do the challenge. When the busyness factor jumps 10x’s, still make your husband a priority. With holiday parties and commitments, activities, Christmas shopping, cooking, baking, traveling, relatives, kids, etc, focusing on your marriage might be the last thing on your mind. But it shouldn’t just get shoved to the back shelf to collect dust until January.
The idea of an intentional challenge may be overwhelming. But my hope is that 30 Dates in November isn’t just one more marriage challenge out there for you to finish and shelve. My hope is that this is the launching pad: that you’d continue being intentional about loving your spouse beyond the month of November, and that you can train your heart and mind to purposefully love your husband.
Are You Ready?
Are you willing to join me on this journey and commit to purposefully loving your husband for the 30 days of November? Great!
Here are a few things you can do in the meantime:
- Start praying. Pray that God will open your heart and mind to doing this challenge. Pray for God’s protection over your marriage once you make this commitment. Pray for a willing attitude to bless your husband even when he’s not very loveable. Pray for the time to commit to doing this project and that God will help you make your husband a priority.
- Find an accountability partner. This person doesn’t have to necessarily do the challenge with you (although that would be fabulous). Ask a close godly female friend or mentor if she would be willing to pray with you and about the challenge during the next two months. Ask your partner to check in with you regularly to encourage you, pray with you, and see how you’re doing with the challenge. Ask her to send you friendly email reminders or texts or to call you with words of encouragement. If you both decide to do the challenge together, keep each other accountable. Keep details confidential, encourage one another, brainstorm together, and ask for help or motivation when you need it. Pray about who to ask to be your partner & then go and ask!
- Let me know you’re doing the project so I can pray for you and we can encourage one another. Feel free to leave me a comment below or shoot me an email.
- Journal. Write down your thoughts about the project, any ideas or inspiration, motivational or encouraging Bible verses to help you keep going, your accountability partner’s name and contact info, etc. I highly encourage you also to journal your prayers as you can keep track of what your requests are, how God answers prayers, and your thoughts/emotions/attitudes about the project.
- Keep the project a secret from your spouse! If your husband knows in advance that you’ll be loving him for 30 days in a row with little projects he may start to look for these projects. While that’s not necessarily a bad thing, it can also raise expectations high and that might put more pressure on you. If he doesn’t know, you can more easily surprise and delight him! If your husband does find out about it, that’s okay. Just don’t divulge any of the details about the daily projects if you can help it.
- Start thinking now about what your schedule looks like in the month of November. Will you only be able to commit to 5 Minute Marathons, or are you going to try and complete all 3 daily challenges? Figure out the days when you’ll be the busiest (i.e. traveling, company, activites/events, etc) and jot down a few ideas now for how you’ll tackle those days.
- Come back throughout October for more posts on prepping for the project!
- Please help me spread the word about this challenge via social media and your blog. You can also follow me on Twitter and/or Facebook if you aren’t already for updates on the project! You can use this button for your blog:
Here’s to purposefully loving your husband for 30 days!
Come back next week for this post: Help! I Can’t Do the Project Everyday!