We Do Sex… Among Other Things!
This seems to be a trend among other CMBA-er’s to talk about things “we do” in our marriages to help keep marriage thriving and strong and so I’m happily joining the crowd. Here are 11 things Adam and I do in our marriage.
1. We do sex.
Yes, you read it right. My husband and I do have regular sex, or at the very least try to. Gone are the days where mentioning anything about sex in public caused blushing and was considered a social faux pas. While the world seems to have gone to the other extreme in glorifying sex, and I’m not at all a believer in sharing all the details, the church seems to have shied away from this topic and it’s time they stopped. Sex is God-glorifying and a marriage essential, and as my dear sister in Christ, Bonny Pearl says, “Sex is God ordained.” We can’t be Puritans anymore. We have to be willing to be radical and open about the blessings and benefits of God-glorifying married sex. Who says that married people don’t have fun sex lives? I’m not ashamed to admit that I enjoy my sex life with my husband!
2. We do laughter.
No marriage can thrive without fun and laughter in my opinion. I love to laugh with my husband, and I enjoy making him laugh… especially since this is a hard task to accomplish. I enjoy the challenge! Laughter is great medicine for breaking up an upsetting moment and a great antidote to an argument. Laughter is a great way to let off steam and melt away stress. Laughter and silliness helps us feel human… and sometimes less than our age… but who cares?
3. We do middle of the week movie nights.
I’ll admit it. My husband and I probably watch things way too often, but it’s one of our joint interests. We enjoy week night 45-minute old TV show episodes on disc or Netflix (sometimes more than one episode), and the occasional feature length film. You want to know a secret? The best part is the cuddling!
4. We do church.
I am a firm believer in spouses being plugged into your local church. I love holding his arm as we walk in the door. I love standing next to him, holding his hand as we praise God in song, not caring what anyone else thinks of how we sound or look because we love Jesus. I love it when Adam reaches for my hand when we pray. And on occasion, needing to borrow a pen because mine ran out of ink while I was taking copious notes, and he just smiles.
5. We do walks.
This doesn’t always happen when the weather is blah, but I do enjoy going on walks with my husband (a bit more than he does), but I truly appreciate how he takes the time to hold my hand and walk with me… always making sure I’m on the inside in case a car comes by. I love this manly protective trait in him!
6. We do PDA.
Okay, not a lot. But there’s nothing wrong with being married and in love and letting the world know it. Hand holding, hugging, shoulder squeezing, flirting, kissing, and an occasional long lingering kiss is totally okay in public when you’re married! Okay… maybe a lot!
7. We do inclusion.
Even though Adam is the one bringing home the bacon right now, he always tries to include me in financial decisions, even something as small as a $5 pizza lunch. I always try to check with him first before spending money, and let him know when I have spent money, and he really appreciates that. By keeping each other apprised of financial decisions and where our money is going we help keep ourselves accountable to one another, and build trust in our marriage.
8. We do honesty.
Honesty is the best policy. Adam and I, as painful as it sometimes may be, try our hardest to always be honest with one another. One thing I love about our marriage is our ability to talk about anything… no matter how messy, ugly, painful, or shameful. There is no shame in the marriage bed, or in our marriage period… and if a moment of shame crops up, we crush it quickly with prayer. I can come to Adam and talk to him about anything knowing that he will listen to me, love me no matter what, protect me, believe in me, and uplift me.
9. We do understanding.
Something I love about Adam is how quickly he wants to resolve conflict. Me, on the other hand? I need space often. Adam and I have grown to understand each other’s needs in this regard. He strives to love me by giving me the moments I need to regroup, think things through, cool off, and refocus. I strive to love him in return by giving him the physical affirmation he needs when I’m upset with him. It doesn’t always work perfectly as conflict is messy, but I love how incredibly patient and understanding Adam is with me… and how readily he forgives.
10. We do prayer.
Adam and I started praying over the phone before bed every night when we were dating, and we’ve continued that tradition into marriage. Sometimes we miss a night or two, but this regular habit has been such a wonderful blessing. There’s something so wonderful about hearing my husband’s voice as he prays and we connect intimately with God. I also appreciate how he holds me close as we pray, and often puts his hand on my head, praying over me. There are so many spiritual, emotional, and even physical blessings of prayer! I highly recommend getting into this habit!
11. We do love.
We regularly try to ask each other “How can I love on you?” or “Are you feeling my love?” And then we love on each other! Asking this question helps one or both of us specifically meet the needs of our spouse at that precise moment. Sometimes this love comes in the form of fun lovey-dovey stuff and sometimes it comes in the form of deep support, tender-loving care, and devotion. But either way – our love is messy, unconditional, fun, weird, and genuine.
Your turn!! What are your marriage “we do’s?” How do you love on your spouse?
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