How to Honor an Unbelieving Husband, Friday’s Feedback

Reader Question: My husband and I have been married seven years and we don’t have any children. I am a recent convert to the faith (just shy of a year). The more I spend time in God’s Word and at church, the more I want my husband too also and to love God like I do. What if my husband isn’t walking with the Lord? How do I honor God and respect my husband? How do I encourage him?

Editor’s Note: Today’s guest post is written by fellow CMBA-er, Tami Myer. Be sure to check out her awesome marriage-uplifting blog, Manna for Marriage, but first read her wonderful guest post response to this reader. 

How exciting to hear that you are a new believer, growing in your love for God and for His Word! That is fantastic, and it is wonderful that you are eager to share this great adventure with your husband.

Do not despair that he is not a believer; God wants you right where you are to serve Him in a very powerful and significant way. God has put a high calling upon your life to be an influence of holiness in your husband’s life. God will be faithful to meet your needs so that you are then able to minister to your husband.

You could try leaving tracts on your husband’s pillow, reading Scripture loudly when he walks by, or keeping yourself busy by attending lots of church functions. You could, … but please don’t! It won’t work, and both of you will be miserable! Instead, here are some trustworthy, God-given directives that won’t backfire. We can use the acronym RAPID to list some ways in which you can bless your husband, whether he is a believer or not.

man standing on hill

Respect your husband. You may not respect everything that he does, but you can always respect the man God created him to be because he is an immortal spirit made in the image of God Almighty. Be continually aware that your husband is created for greatness and honor. He is designed for strength and success. Stay in awe of that.

Maintain a “zero-tolerance policy” against critical or demeaning thoughts of your husband in your own mind and spirit. Rehearse to yourself the truth of his great value. See his failings as brokenness and spiritual captivity, not as personal attacks that threaten your spiritual well-being.

Accept him. Accept him for who he is at his core.  Keep a warm “welcome” in your spirit to your man. When you communicate to him, “I accept you, and I desire you,” then your holiness becomes beautiful to him and can attract him to God.

Pray. Pray for yourself, and pray for your husband. Pray for insight into your husband’s needs and for wisdom on how best to minister to those needs. Pray for God to show you how to respect your husband in ways that are meaningful to him. Pray for God’s work in your husband’s heart–not so that your life will be more pleasant, but that his life will be more blessed.

fragrance bottle

Invite your husband. God has designed wives to be like fragrance, inviting their husbands into holiness. We are called by God to be magnets that draw our husbands to God; we are not called to be whips that drive our husbands to God.

Your faith will be inviting to your husband when it makes you inviting–that is, joyful, pleasant, and cooperative. A woman who is critical and unhappy does not make her God appealing.

Determine to enjoy him. Make it a matter of your will, not your feelings. Insist upon enjoying him. “Relish life with the spouse you love each and every day …” (Eccl. 9:9, MSG). Focus on strengthening your friendship with him.

Become a 1 Peter 3 woman. God will give you a resting, calm spirit as you trust Him. Draw your strength and encouragement from Scripture, from prayer, and from godly girlfriends who will encourage your marriage commitment.

May God bless you in special ways as you serve Him in your marriage.

Tami Myer

 “Whether you feel that you are starving in your    marriage or feasting, God has truth that will nourish and strengthen your relationship. Your marriage is worth nurturing because your marriage represents people who are worth loving.” (Tami Myer.  www.MannaForMarriage.com)

Friday's Feedback

This post is part of Friday’s Feedback: Your Questions Answered. I love to hear from my readers at any time. If you have a question you’d like answered on the blog, please don’t hesitate to Email Me. Please type: FRIDAY’S FEEDBACK in all-caps in the subject box before adding your question. Your questions will always be posted anonymously on BHE, unless you give me express permission to include your name. If you have questions or concerns about the Privacy Policy or the Guidelines for what gets published, please click here. I try to respond promptly to all emails, but that’s not always the case. Please shoot me a secondary email if you feel the response time is taking too long.

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8 Comments

  1. Pam and Jay

    As a wife, my job is not to offend God and my desire to serve Him in order to worry about my husband’s feelings. Be careful that you not suggest that to women.

    My hubby wants to know if there are some websites that teach men how to be Biblical husbands. Men should be teaching other men and not interrupt in a female blog to,give his point of view. God told older experienced women to teach other women how to be wives. I would think that you all would understand this. If everyone is hammering away at wives about being submissive and the husbands are ignoring a valuable opportunity to teach other men, God is watching, because there are no men teaching husbands how to honor their wives and give their lives for them. Men are sinners too and they need help just as much as women. Men are not perfect.

    If we are truly what we say we are, it will show in our actions.

    • Hi Pam,
      Thank you for visiting the BHE community.

      I’m not sure I fully understand your comment at the beginning, so if you could clarify what you mean by “offending God, not worrying about husband’s feelings, and being careful about suggesting,” I’d appreciate it. This post was written by a guest writer, Tami Myer from Manna for Marriage. If you have specific questions or concerns and would like to ask her directly, I’d encourage you to do so. You can find her contact information here. If I’m understanding what you say about feelings, I’m failing to find a reference to neglecting your relationship with God in order to worry about your husband’s feelings in this post. The only mention of feelings is actually in regards to not making the issue at hand about feelings.

      In regards to your other point, I’ve been getting this question a lot frequently about men. I am not writing BHE for men. This community is intended to be for women by women. If men can benefit from my writing, so be it, but that is not my overall goal, intent, or purpose. It is not my goal to instruct or encourage husbands out there. That is the job of pastors, spiritual leaders, and other husbands/men out there. It is not my responsibility to make sure that these men are doing their jobs. I am only accountable for myself.

      However, that being said, I belong to a group called the CMBA – Christian Marriage Bloggers Association – that does include male bloggers that teach/help other men. I’ll graciously point you to these sites:

      1. Be Strong Act Like Men
      http://bestrongactlikemen.wordpress.com/
      pursuing an Ephesians 5 marriage

      2. Becoming a Better Man
      http://erikmatlock.com/
      life lessons from a formerly abusive husband

      3. Cracking the Romance Code
      http://www.crackingtheromancecode.com/blog/
      equipping husbands to better understand and communicate with their wives

      4. The Generous Husband
      http://www.the-generous-husband.com/
      exhibiting generosity in a marriage from the male perspective

      5. The Respected Husband
      http://respectedhusband.wordpress.com/
      thoughts on love and respect from the male perspective

      6. Sensuous Happy Husband
      http://sensuoushappyhubby.blogspot.com/
      fully exploring passion within the confines of monogamous marriage from the male perspective

      And there are others you can view here:
      http://www.upliftingmarriage.com/cmba-members/

      I hope this encourages you that there are men out there writing for men about marriage, love, and sex from a godly perspective.
      Blessings.

  2. Hannah, thanks for sharing this from Tami, it’s a powerful message. I love the RAPID approach- it’s all about walking out 1 Peter 3. God’s promises in that are true!

  3. Hannah (Eve) I’m stopping by for a visit and really like your blog. You have a lot of wonderful content on here. :-) I enjoyed browsing around and will look forward to reading more. :-)

  4. Thank you Eve, for sharing this guest post. I really appreciate these insights as I am in the midst of addiction in my marriage and can use all of the divine guidance and inspiration I can get to help me show love and kindness towards my husband. I am glad I found your site and look forward to reading more.

    • Thank you for visiting, Hope. I am glad you found Tami’s insights helpful. I pray that God will equip you with Christlike love, respect, and honor for and toward your husband. I also pray for patience, humility, and forgiveness. May God help you and your husband through this difficult period in your marriage and assist in the breakthrough in the addiction whatever it may be. Please come back and visit often!

  5. Sis

    I’d like to add one more thing to your list if that’s okay. He is going to feel offended and rejected when she chooses to not live in sin with him, when she goes to church instead of sleeps in with him, when she decides to not party all night and go to bed earlier. God seems to guide Christians to a disciplined lifestyle and it is hard for an unbelieving spouse to watch without feeling rejected. So I would add gentle to the list, be very gentle with him.

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