I Don’t Wanna Be In Love, Intro to “Get Real, Valentine!”

I don’t wanna “be in love.”

It's Love I Do

Being in love is wonderful, and it’s definitely something I spent my youthful years desiring, especially when Valentine’s Day rolled around. Every other girl on the planet it seemed was getting roses and chocolates and had dates, and I was stuck working or doing homework at home. I wanted to be “in love” badly, because let’s face it, what teenage girl doesn’t dream of love at some point? I think I was “in love” many times, but I didn’t know true love until Adam, my beloved husband.

With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, “love” is most definitely on many of our minds. But do you know the difference between “in love” and “real love?”

Marla Taviano, author of  From Blushing Bride to Wedded Wifeexplains the “in love experience” like this:

The euphoria of the ‘in love’ experience gives us the illusion of intimacy and complete unselfishness toward each other. ‘I’ll do absolutely anything for you!’ we say. Then reality hits, and we realize how egocentric we really are. Sure, we’ll do anything for this person – as long as it’s what we wants and he reciprocates.” 

Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, writes,

“The idea that marriage can survive on love alone… has wrecked many a marital ship. Romantic love has no elasticity to it. It can never be stretched; it simply shatters. Mature love, the kind demanded of a good relationship, must stretch.”

I don’t want to be “in love” this Valentine’s Day!

I want to thrive in love! 

Dictionary.com defines “thrive” as “to prosper; to grow and develop vigorously; to flourish.”  It comes from the Old Norse word, “thrīfa” which means “to grasp.” There’s a pretty big gap between “being in love” and “grasping the reality of love.” Being suggests a state, a temporary place where something or someone exists. Grasp suggests holding firm to something or someone and understanding the depth and meaning behind that something.

The “in love” experience blinds someone to reality, the reality that “in love” will fade. Lasting, deep, abiding love requires blood, sweat, and tears. You can’t just be “in love” with your husband and hope that everything works out. If you ride that wave, you’ll sink. You must invest in your marriage, and daily make the choice to abound in love even when he forgot to take out the trash or he’s late paying the mortgage or he’s hurt your feelings during an argument.

Too many marriages are just “surviving” but they aren’t “thriving.” To thrive in a marriage takes intentional commitment, unconditional devotion, tender-loving care, romance, passion, intimacy, and a heavy dosage of prayer.

George Clerie writes  “6 Powerful Tips to Make Your Marriage Thrive.” I highly recommend reading what he has to say.

I’m not downing romantic love. Clerie makes a point about the importance of affection. Romance is an essential part of marriage, but it’s not the only part.

I want to help you rekindle romance, spark sexual intimacy, and help you thrive in your marriage. That’s why for the next 14 days I’m here to offer a brand new series: Get Real, Valentine!

Each day I’ll offer

  • a Bible passage and prayer to aid you in getting your heart in the right place for showering your husband with some TLC
  • a kind word or two for you to text, email, or give in a note to your husband
  • a fun, practical way for you to act on that love
  • an activity/date idea to enhance your quality time and to build on your communication skills
  • a small gift/card idea to give your husband
  • an intimacy challenge, something to “get busy” with in the bedroom

Choose to do all of them, some of them, or just pick one that works the best for you and your marriage. Whatever you decide, I encourage you to put your whole heart into it, get your creative juices flowing, let your passion and desire loose, and get excited with me about this journey you’re about to embark on!

question puzzle piece

Feedback Friday: I’m posting tomorrow’s question today (Thursday) since it is almost Friday.

What is one area of your marriage that you would like to continue growing in? 

Great question. Ironically, most of the biggest lessons I’ve learned are also areas I want to continue growing in. Sexual intimacy is so important in a marriage because it’s the glue that binds us together as one flesh. I adore my husband and I want to have a long, healthy, active sex life for our marriage. As we grow together spiritually and emotionally, I hope to grow more deeply in our physical intimacy with each other, always making sex a big priority in our marriage. 

Your Turn? What has been your experience between being “in love” and “true love?” How are these two things different? In what area of your marriage would you like to thrive in? Share your thoughts below!  

**Editor’s Note: I apologize. Due to Internet issues, I was unable to get this post up sooner.** 

Linked Up With:



  1. Hi Hannah Williams! This is Mai at the Happy Wives Club and Fawn wanted to make sure you saw the note that our Thursday link up party has now moved to Marriage Mondays – beginning today. We want to get all our favorite married bloggers linking up every Monday so we hope you’ll join us.

    • Thank you so much for taking the time to visit, Mai. I will definitely link up on Mondays when I have a new post. God’s blessings.

  2. Is it bad that I want both? My hubby and I are about to celebrate 10 years together and I have to say, I am more in love with him today than I was when we said “I do.” He still gives me “the eyes” and flirts with me from across the table (as a matter of fact, we were with some of his colleagues last night and he was flirting with me from across the table and one of them said, “What is he doing? Is he asking for the wine?” LOL – I guess they hadn’t seen a husband flirt with his bride for a while :)). You are so right that so much goes into creating a long, healthy, loving marriage but I don’t think we have to take the being “in love” part out of the equation. I say, “Let’s have it all!”

    • Aw, that’s a cute story. Kudos to you for keeping the romance alive and sizzling. You make an excellent point. I totally advocate “being in love.” In fact, I’m still totally “in love” with my husband, and we enjoy “flirting” all the time.

      I was writing this post primarily for the women who go into marriage thinking that “in love” will last forever. In reality, staying”in love” takes a lot of work too.

      This series I’m doing “Get Real, Valentine,” I hope, will help married women to find a healthy balance between the romance and the hard work. My title was used to get attention, but also, it’s true – I don’t want to be in love. I want to thrive in love – and by thriving in love, I mean, keeping the romance sizzling and working hard to grow deeper in emotional, physical, and spiritual intimacy and make our marriage the best it can possibly be (with the Lord’s help).


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