How You Can Apply My Marital Lessons to Your Marriage

Reader Question: What would you say are the biggest lessons you’ve learned in your marriage thus far? What’s been the most important to you? What’s been the most surprising? Did your reach your expectations? Any advice for newlyweds? 

Those are excellent questions, and perfect for January since we just started a new year. Thank you to the two ladies who posited these questions. I hope is that you are able to learn from my marital life lessons, regardless of what stage of life you’re in, but these lessons were especially imperative for Adam and I as a newlyweds.

1. Sex is a beautiful blessing!

This is probably the most surprising lesson I’ve learned, and it well exceeded my expectations. I always knew sex was supposed to feel good, but the beauty of marital sexual intimacy is beyond anything I could have expected. We were physically affectionate people to begin with, but God took that and multiplied it ten-fold in marriage.

I have discovered God’s holy, perfect, and beautiful design for marital bliss. I’ve also learned that the more we spend time with one another (non-sexually), the better in the mood I am for sex. It’s been said that a man needs sex to feel loved, but a woman needs love to have sex. This is totally true in our marriage, and takes consistent work, but is totally worth it.

  • If you aren’t married yet, talk about sex with your fiancée. Talk about your expectations for the wedding night, the honeymoon, and life after the honeymoon. Make sure you’re both on the same page for what you’re comfortable with, how you’ll handle physical pain and discomfort, and how your menstrual cycle will affect your sex life.
  • Make sex a priority. This may seem like a “duh” for newlyweds, especially since the honeymoon is supposed to be all about having sex, right? Wrong, but I digress. Sex wasn’t the greatest on our honeymoon. In fact, we spent most of the time getting to know each other physically without sex. But sex isn’t just for procreation – it’s for pleasure. The pleasure part may take time and work, but it’s essential to building marital intimacy. 

juggling work and play

2. Marriage is a living entity.

Just like you need to feed, bathe, clothe, and shelter a child, a baby marriage needs the same things. But unlike a child who grows up from a dependent to an independent over time, a marriage needs even more devotion and work to keep going.

Adam and I’ve only been married 2 years and are still without kiddos (just a cat), but even after 2 years, things aren’t quite as surprising, and parts of life become monotonous. We can’t just neglect our relationship with each other (i.e. spending quality time together, building our mutual relationship with God, taking care of one another’s needs, sexual intimacy, etc), and expect our marriage to thrive. We must work hard at it every day. And on the days when we struggle, we have to pick back up and plug ahead and remind ourselves why we love one another and how we are called to love and respect one another in Christ-likeness.

God must come first

{from our wedding day}

3. God must come first!

Christ needs to be the center of your marriage. Sometimes in my marriage, God is a little less central and more lopsided. However, I’ve learned that when I neglect my relationship with God, my relationship with Adam is off. This has by far been the most important lesson I’ve learned in marriage.

talk about money instead of arguing

4. Communicate about money

Communication is the key to problem-solving when it comes to arguing about finances. Adam and I have had our fair share of arguments about money. I’m not saying we’re perfect in this area, but we’ve come a long way. Even though Adam is bringing home the “bacon,” we’ve decided the money he makes is“our” money instead of just “his.” We check with each other before spending money, no matter how small. We set a budget and try our hardest to stick to it, and we tithe regularly. Adam is great with reminding me to trust God, especially with our money. God has richly blessed us because of this.

  • Make sure you’re on the same page regarding how you spend, save, invest, and tithe.
  • Set a budget together, and keep each other accountable to it.
  • Don’t spend on credit if you absolutely can help it, and pay off whatever you do spend on credit within the month. Interest rates will kill you, and we’ve learned this the hard way. If you can’t pay for it now, don’t get it (perhaps with the exception of a college education, a car, and a home).
  • Trust your finances to God and tithe regularly.

respect him

5. Respect is paramount.

Men desperately need to be respected. This is paramount because it is hardwired into their brains. Men equate respect on the same level that women equate love. Respect, therefore, is a big job for the wife.

Marriage has heightened my conscience and has made me even more aware of my selfishness and sin. This has been a good thing because it has caused me to view God, my husband, and myself in a whole new light and has made me ever more grateful for God’s and my husband’s grace and forgiveness. This has helped me be even more aware of how to respect my husband.

Your Turn. 

What lessons have you learned in your marriage? Pass them along. Leave a comment down below. 

**Editor’s Note: Join me next Friday as I answer the 5 areas I want to continue growing in. If you haven’t already, please take the time to vote on what you’d like to read on BHE.**

4 Comments

  1. Unfortunately, many, many women are not interested in a marriage, or a marriage for happiness. For resources? Of course. But happiness for both? Rare.

    • That’s a sad truth about our world today. We’ve lost the meaning and purpose of marriage mostly due to selfishness in my opinion. But I want to encourage people out there that good, godly marriages do exist and can exist in today’s world, and to help married couples to grow, thrive, and enjoy life, love, and sex together. I’d encourage you to check out the other CMBA bloggers as they too are excellent models for thriving, loving, passionate Christian marriages.

  2. I’ve been married for 16 years with 4 children (ages 14, 10, 8, 3). I have learned that time, money, and effort invested in the marriage is worth it. It is good for us, as a couple, and for our children. I didn’t always “get it” but can see that not investing set us up for a miserable marriage. (I’m thankful that while we didn’t “get it,” God gave us both stubborn loyalty.) Do I want to create my own misery or invest? I want to invest.
    You have a lot of great advice.

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  1. I Don’t Wanna Be In Love, Intro to “Get Real, Valentine!” « Becoming His Eve

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