Friday’s Q&A: Recognizing the Log in Your Eye Day 16

Editor’s Note: Calling All Trekkys date idea has been moved to this post

Reader Question of the Day: What does it even mean to get the log out of my own eye first? What if it seems like my husband has a big log of his own? 

Excellent Questions!

The passage that this question refers to is found in Matthew 7:1-5.

The Bible is clear that judging a person and withholding forgiveness is sinful, especially your husband. Judging him is not your job. That’s God’s job! Getting the speck out of his eye (or even the log) isn’t your place. You are not your husband’s Holy Spirit. Extending grace to him and forgiving him readily is your job.

Recognizing the Log in Your Eye

Getting the log out of your own eye boils down to an issue of pride. You may think you are better than your spouse, but that thought alone is a sin. Recognize your own weakness. Before you can attack the speck in your husband’s eye, reach for the log in your own. In other words, realize first and foremost that you are a sinner and that you have areas of your life that needs worked on. Before attacking your spouse for something he has done wrong, consider what you’ve been doing wrong. Focus on your own spiritual growth before judging others on theirs.

1. Spend time with God on a regular basis. The more you see His character, the more you read of His Word, the more you will recognize your own sinful state.

2. Ask God to reveal to you where in your life you are prideful and what areas of your life needed worked on.

3. Pray with your husband regularly for protection against pride. Ask him to tell you an area he believes you need to work on.

4. Instead of getting defensive, graciously and humbly accept your husband’s correction. He is your spiritual leader, and as hard as it is, be willing to listen.

5. Ask God to forgive you for the times when you’ve been harsh with your husband in confronting him and for the times you didn’t seek to speak the truth in love. Ask your spouse for forgiveness also. Discuss with your husband ways in which you should confront one another and how you can do so lovingly and respectfully. Personally, I need to hear gentleness in Adam’s voice when he’s correcting me and if he does so condescendingly, I’m more inclined not to listen, to be argumentative or defensive. And for Adam, he needs to feel my love physically through me holding his hand or hugging him or gently stroking his arm when I tell him something he’s probably not going to want to hear. These are the kinds of things to talk about with your husband.

Overlooking the Speck in His Eye

“…it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” Proverbs 19:11

1. Remember Unity 

Strive toward oneness in Christ. Even in disagreements, be respectful and loving toward one another, setting aside pride

…when confronted with faults,

…when your husband comes up with a better idea than you,

…when God has been speaking to your husband and has placed something on His heart but God hasn’t spoken to you yet or confirmed it within you first.

Romans 12:16 says, “Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud…”

At the root of arguing disrespectfully, consistent nagging, and seeking to be right is pride. Adam and I have discovered that when our hearts are at unrest, we aren’t one.  My heart can’t possibly be at rest if my husband’s heart isn’t at rest because we are no longer two hearts, but one. Preserve harmony in your marriage. Protect your union for it is precious and to be treasured and is valued by God. Those who seek harmony and unity will be blessed.

Exercise: Pray with your husband regularly that God would strengthen your union, that you would seek intentionally to be more one with each other. Pray that He would protect your union from the attacks of the Evil One. Pray that you would resist the temptation to give into pride which will destroy your marriage, but rather seek to be one in your decisions and actions.

2. Reject Lofty Opinions of Self 

Romans 12:3-5 (NLT) reads, “Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.”

Remember that although you are married and you are one, you are also unified through your diversity. Your role in the marriage is different from your husband’s. It doesn’t make you better or less, and usurping your husband’s role is prideful because it says, “I can do better than you.” This tears at a marriage rather than builds it up. Romans 12:9 reads (NIV) “Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.” Pride is evil. Selfishness is evil. Cleave to goodness in your marriage. Cleave to humility and selflessness.

Exercise: Pay attention to your words and actions toward your husband. Are you watching your tone of voice? Are you speaking the truth in love? Are you crowding his God-given role as head of your household? Ask God to reveal ways to you in which you can be more humble and submissive in your thoughts, words, and actions in your marriage.

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I’d love for you to send me your reader questions on the topics of marriage, sex, relationships and dating, love, and faith. Please leave your questions below in the comments or send me your questions via EMAIL ME (please type in all-caps READER QUESTION in the subject box). I’ll be answering readers questions every Friday.

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    1. Feed Your Man, Day 12 | Becoming His Eve
    2. The P.R.A.I.S.E.Filled Heart :Friday’s Feedback | Becoming His Eve

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