The Alien World of Marriage
*What Kind of Wife Do You Want to Be Series Intro
During our honeymoon, Adam and I watched James Cameron’s Avatar movie. Later that night, Adam started mumbling to me about how we had to get ready to go to Pandora, the newly discovered planet way out in outer space in the movie filled with beautiful, big, blue aliens. He grabbed my hand and tried to drag me out of bed. Well, that was different, especially as a newlywed wife, half-asleep and bewildered as the line between reality and dreamworld blurred.
A week after our honeymoon, we were home and I remember awakening bleary-eyed in the guest bedroom two doors down from the master bedroom. What am I doing here? my foggy head wondered. As I tried to adjust to my surroundings, I sat up and saw an eerie light shining on the wall. It had formed a figure… a figure I was familiar with… DARTH VADER! You can imagine how startled I was that a “Dark Side” alien was messing with my mind. I flew down the hallway into the bedroom and asked Adam if we had been arguing or something. He mumbled a sleepy “no,” and invited me back to his arms.
The world was new. My home was new. My husband periodically invited me to mythical worlds in the middle of the night, hogged the covers, and snored. I sometimes couldn’t figure out where I was. It was strange… and I was married! Talk about an exciting, yet confusing and scary period of adjustment!
The aliens analogy is actually completely appropriate for what I’m about to talk about – the alien world of newlywed life! If you’re seriously dating or preparing to be a newlywed, the dating world is exciting and new! There’s a man who loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you. What an honor! But maybe you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into… that’s okay! I didn’t either. I had no clue how to be a wife, how to take care of a husband, and how to run a home when I started out almost 2 years ago. Perhaps you are a newlywed and the adjustment period is as perplexing and puzzling to you as it was to me. This series is for you, brides-to-be and newlyweds.
Perhaps you’re asking yourself these questions:
How do I adjust from single lady to married lady? How do I keep the romance alive, especially when he’s left his dirty socks and underwear on the bathroom floor again? What’s up with all these new family members – the in-laws? What in the world is sex and how do I please my husband with it and do I get pleasure too? How do I fight fairly and wisely and how do we recover from arguments? How do I run a household?
All these questions are fantastic questions, and they all measure out to one question: What kind of wife do I want to be?
In addition to the What Kind of Woman Do You Want to Be Series, I’m instituting this one too: What Kind of Wife Do You Want to Be Series. I’ll quote from other material, but I’ll mainly be following Marla Taviano’s From Blushing Bride to Wedded Wife book as I’ve quoted from before on this blog. Her book offers “practical” (refreshing) “advice from a girlfriend” who knows “what marriage is really like.” I’ll be including my own insights.
As Taviano writes in her introduction, Let’s Talk,
“I prayerfully considered waiting to write this book. Waiting until I was older, more experienced, more mature. Waiting until I’d mastered marriage – or at least gotten the hang of it… I’ve read countless books on marriage written by older, godly women… Their insight gained from years of experience is invaluable. But on the flip side, when they speak of 25 years of marriage, perhaps you can’t relate. Perhaps you’re not even that old.”
“Your silver anniversary is light-years away. Is there any hope for you in the near future? My situation [Taviano’s] is a little less imposing and easier to imagine. ‘She’s only been married six years,’ you say. ‘That’s just 2000 days away. I’ve already come 12.’ If you’re looking for the perfect marriage to model yours after, you’ve got the wrong book. But if you want to know how to bounce back after screwing up, I’m your girl!”
I haven’t been married 25 years, 15 years, 10 years, or even 5. I’ve only been married less than 2 years, but Taviano’s book inspired me to start this blog. Who says I have to be married a long time to know anything about marriage? I’ve only been married 656 days, and those days have been ups and downs and sideways and backwards and forwards and in circles. But God has sustained my marriage and my husband and I. I want to pass on what little wisdom I’ve gained from God about marriage, and what little experience I have in hopes of helping you on your walk through your life and marriage, encouraging your heart and soul, and letting you know that you’re not alone. Let’s do life together!
Perhaps you’re not a newlywed, and you’ve been married for 10, 25, or 50 years. This series is for you too. Let’s encourage our sisters in the Lord how to be godly wives, and offer them practical advice for daily living.
What kind of book is this?
As Taviano writes, “This is a sit-back-and-relax-with-a-bowl-of-chips kind of book. Or a cup of cappuccino…” or a blueberry muffin and a mocha like I’m eating/sipping now.
I highly encourage you to get a copy of this book – buy or borrow it – so you can read along with me. This series will take place on Wednesdays so you have a whole week to find it, and even if you don’t, that’s okay. I’ll be quoting from the material but also passing along life lessons of my own.
If you have questions, please don’t hesitate to ask! The BHE community wants to welcome all questions here in a loving, respectful manner and make you feel safe and comfortable. Don’t be afraid to ask anything! As Taviano writes, “There’s no beating around the bush. Nothing is off-limits. It’s honest, real, practical, and straightforward.”
Meet Me for a Cup of Coffee
“But it is you, a woman like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship at the house of God, as we walked about among the worshipers.” Psalm 55:13-14
What kind of wife do you want to be? What expectations do you have for marriage? What questions do you have about marriage?
If you’re already married, share a story from your newlywed days about adjusting to married life. How did you cope? Did you have help from a family member, friend, church lady, neighbor, or a particular book?
“Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you…”
“Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up…May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” Romans 15:2, 5-7