I’m Always Right… Right?
When a bride spend X amount of months on a wedding before getting married making all the decisions, telling her groom what she wants and how she wants it and when she wants it, it is all too easy for her to feel entitled to make all the decisions once married. The world revolved around you for 6 months, 9 months, or a year, and now shouldn’t the world continue to focus on you? Shouldn’t your spouse give you everything you want, when you want, where you want, and how you want it? It’s easy to get into the “I’m always right” mentality when you’ve been making the “right” decisions for the wedding.
It all boils down to pride. Both men and women battle pride uniquely. For men, they often become boasting and prideful about their work, their accomplishments, and their possessions. Doing a job well, accomplishing something great in front of their peers, and having the biggest and best “toys” is a status symbol among men, something that earns them respect.
For women, it’s different. We often battle pride regarding our relationships with others and our emotions. As women, we want people to think well of us, especially other ladies. We want our friendships to be cherished. We want people to include us. We want to be loved.
Our pride in what we do for others, in our personal struggles that we fail to share with others, and in getting what we feel we deserve/need masks the inadequacies we feel, the insecurities we struggle with, our fear of being judged, and our hurt over neglect and betrayal.
God created man to be the spiritual head and leader of the household, and God created woman to submit to her husband’s leadership as unto the Lord (Ephesians 5:22-33). Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden by the classic “take control” mentality that women today struggle with in their marriages.
Underneath the desire to control is
a heart issue – pride…
…thinking you can do better and are better than someone else.
Pride is in direct opposition with honor. Pride is concerned with the “I.” Unity is concerned with the “U,” the other person. Marriage is not about getting what I want and what I expect and what I need. When I elevate ‘I need love’ to ‘I need and deserve love and will do whatever it takes, including fighting with my spouse or withholding my love and respect for him to make sure I am getting the love I deserve,’ I am exposing my pride.
Proverbs 12:4 says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.” A prideful fiancé/wife brings shame, but a humble, submissive wife brings honor not only to her husband, but to God and to herself.
In Western society, we, women, hear the word submission and get squeamish. Who wants to be in subordination to another person, especially a man? Biblical marriage is not about being a doormat or not having any say or never making any decisions.
Read Ephesians 5:22-33. The wife has 5 verses that apply to her, but the husband has 9 verses. He is to love her sacrificially as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. He is to be willing to put her first, even dying for her. Christ is a servant leader and the husband is to be also. A husband submits to his wife because he loves her by serving her unconditionally and wholeheartedly as Christ came to serve, instruct, lead, and guide the Church. He is a part of the process of making her holy and pure. She is his responsibility. He is to take care of her as he would take care of his own body. He is to leave his parents and unite himself to her, trusting himself to her. While he may still accept advice from his parents, she is the one who has his ear. She is the one he listens to and trusts and asks for input. He is to honor her and to seek to lead her spiritually. If you ask me, that’s a lot of responsibility, and that also does us great honor.
There were many times in the early days of our marriage when I tried to control all the decisions. I wanted things exactly MY way and if it wasn’t MY way, then Adam was doing something wrong. I withheld physical affection from my husband knowing it would hurt him because I wasn’t getting what I wanted. And oh! How it hurt our marriage!
Don’t be so proud you can’t admit when you’re wrong.
Let me repeat that!
Don’t be so proud you can’t admit
when you’re wrong!
Pay attention to this, ladies!
“But I’m always right,” you say! No one is perfect. Humble yourself and admit when you’re wrong. Instead of digging your heels in and insisting you have your way, take the High way and let something go. Humble yourself and love your fiancé/husband even when they’ve hurt you.
Marriage is about give and take, not your way is best and always best and the only way!
5 Practical Ways to Battle/Prevent
Pride During Engagement
*An easy way to remember is to think A-E-I-O-U
Allow God in!
Pride reveals our distrust of God’s grace and provision. It’s hard to set aside self in the wedding planning stage because this is about you… but it’s also about God and your fiancé too. Ask God to convict you of areas that you are prideful in, and to reveal to you the reasons behind that pride (i.e. fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of hurt, fear of betrayal or neglect). Soak up Scripture, personal worship, and personal prayer time before the wedding!
Encourage him to lead!
When you take over all the time, you stifle your future husband’s ability to lead. As Eve is proof that a woman can be powerful influential of her husband, you too have that power to negatively or positively impact him. Show your appreciation when he remembers or pays attention to details. Spend quality time with him NOT doing wedding stuff or complaining about wedding stuff. Take interest in the things he likes to do even while engaged and don’t dismiss them just because it’s not your thing. Tell your fiancé what you need prayer for and tell him how much you need him to pray for you regularly. Men like to be needed.
Invite your man to contribute!
Don’t just assume your man will go along with everything. I discussed as many details as possible with my fiancé without boring him so he’d feel included. I also asked Adam if he had any thoughts or suggestions for the wedding or the reception. He suggested our wedding reception location. He wanted all the groomsmen to wear ties that matched the bridesmaids’ dresses. He selected our opening wedding hymn: Be Thou My Vision, and specifically wanted to sing all the verses of all the songs during the ceremony. And he wanted to exit to the Star Trek theme song from our reception. I’m so glad I asked. ;o)
Oh be patient…
when your fiancé doesn’t care about details, when the dress you sent back to have altered hasn’t returned yet, when you’re trying to hold back your frustration when your mother-in-law-to-be calls for the fifth time to insert her opinions. Pride can’t carry you very far. Patience has the power to go miles.
Understand your man’s need for respect!
If you speak critically, if you use sarcasm, if you’re bossy, negative, argumentative, if you treat him like he doesn’t have a clue, your man will feel disrespected. Don’t undermine his intelligence. Don’t talk down to him. Seek to be like-minded with your spouse. When you communicate your needs/desires/feelings/fears with each other respectfully and honestly, you are opening yourselves up to being on the same page. When disagreements arise, instead of becoming angry, be willing to kindly work toward a solution together. If you need to, take a few moments apart if it will help you calm down. When you are like-minded, you are unified and it becomes more difficult for Satan to wedge his way in and tear you down.
1 Corinthians 13:4 says, “Love is not proud…” You’re not always right. God is always right. Psalm 25:9 says, “He (God) guides the humble in what is right and teaches them His way.” God will show you how to be an excellent wife who is a crown of glory to her husband. Put off pride. Pick up love!
This is Day 4 of the ½ marathon blogging challenge from the CMBA. For the first 13 days in October, you will get a nonstop taste of my writing. To see the official rules, click here. To see other CMBA bloggers’ posts, click here.
I’d love to hear from you…
What do you think of the idea that pride is in direct opposition of unity? How can you humble yourself during the wedding planning period? For those of you who are married already, what advice would you give to a newlywed bride struggling with pride?
- Posted in: 5 Love Languages ♦ Conflict Resolution ♦ Honor ♦ Humility ♦ Newlyweds ♦ Real Marriage ♦ Respect ♦ Submission
- Tagged: 1 Corinthians 13, 1/2 Marathon Blog Challenge, Anxiety and Fear and Worry, CMBA, Dating & Engaged Women, Honor, Patience, Physical Affection & Attention, Pride, Quality Time, Respect, Submission, Unconditional Love, Unity, Words of Affirmation