10 Secrets from a Wife Who Waited… and Who Loves Married Sex, Part 4

Last week, I shared my 4th and 3rd reasons for why I love married sex. Today I’ll share my 2nd reason.

2. Married Sex is Uniting.

Sex outside of marriage is two people with two different sets of needs in two different places of life. Sex within marriage is bringing two people together and making them one. 

I can remember how many times I wished I had a boyfriend when I was single. It was hard because it seemed like everyone around me had someone. I longed to be held when I was upset, to be able to intimately share my emotions and thoughts with someone and have them listen, to have someone to pick up the pieces when I was falling apart, someone to laugh with me and celebrate with me when I had accomplished something, someone to bring home for the holidays. It took a long time for me to become confident in who I was and to believe that I was precious in the sight of God, without a man.

It’s difficult to find that balance between knowing that you as a woman are designed for relationship and knowing that your purpose and worth is in Christ, and that you don’t need to be dating, engaged, or married in order to be loved by God. It’s especially hard as a Christian woman because the Church, our parents, our friends, and the world tell us all sorts of different things to believe about our identity, our worth, our physical body, our emotions, relationships, and sex. It’s tempting to settle. It’s tempting to find a substitute.

But God designed sex specifically for marriage because without the confines of marriage, you really aren’t ready for sex. This is because married sex is uniting. Married sex takes two unique people with two different sets of needs, desires, emotions, thoughts, and lives, and brings them together to become one.

Sex unites you bodily – all that is physical about you becomes one with all that is physical about your spouse, weaving together the intricacies and wonders of your bodies as they fit perfectly, the way God designed.

Sex unites you mentally – your mind forms pictures for the other as you invite your husband into know you deeply, to know what you’re thinking, what you’re experiencing, what you know, what you fear, what you believe, what you love, and what you don’t know. It creates an atmosphere for beautiful vulnerability.

Sex unites you emotionally – your feelings swell and swirl in a comfortable, open environment. You can safely express what you’re feeling, what you desire, what you like and dislike, and what sends you spiraling in ecstasy and pleasure.

Sex unites you spiritually – this one is hard to describe, but married sex, the way it was intended by God, transcends the physical and the here and now, taking you to a new, wild, unexplored territory deep within the cavern of you and your husband. It’s like touching and experiencing a little bit of God here on earth. It truly is a miracle.

When you engage in sex before marriage or sex outside of marriage, the sacredness of sex is desecrated, the beauty of sex is destroyed, and the wonder of sex becomes a cheap solution to raging hormones. Letting someone know you like that, being intimately connected to you completely contradicts how God designed married sex to be, dishonoring Him, bringing shame upon your head, and destruction to each other. When you settle for whomever, you settle for less than God’s perfect plan. By obeying God and following His plan for sex, you trust He is looking out for your best interests and you allow Him to protect you.

I have found too that when my husband and I engage in sex, I respect him more. I consult with him about decisions more often. I honor him with my words and actions more. We’re more likely to be on the same page and work as a team instead of two different individuals out for their own selfish needs. I am more likely to submit to my husband’s authority, and we’re more likely to be more spiritually in tune.  

Why do I love married sex? Because I am united physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually with my husband on and off the marriage bed in a comfortable, safe environment. Because I trust God when He says that it is in His perfect plan to unite my husband and I together as one flesh. Because married sex strengthens the bonds of our unity, freeing us from guilt and shame because we are coming together in a manner pleasing to the Lord. Because I can connect with my husband on a level unlike any other, transcending beyond my physical body and touching his soul.  

“Adam gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every animal of the field. But there was no helper found that was right for Adam. So the Lord God put the man to sleep as if he were dead. And while he was sleeping, He took one of the bones from his side and closed up the place with flesh. The Lord God made woman from the bone which He had taken from the man. And He brought her to the man.  The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. She will be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother, and will be joined to his wife. And they will become one flesh.” Genesis 2:20-24 (NLV)

For a beautiful story about how marriage is unites a husband and wife like a redwood tree, watch the following video:

{Amy&Austin} 4.15.12 – TréCreative Film&Photo – Mount Hermon, California




  1. Sex is for our enjoyment when done as God intended – between married couples. Due to needs in our body, it pushes us to have sex outside of marriage, which becomes a sin in God’s eyes. Thank God for Jesus’ blood, which cleans us of any sin whatsoever.

  2. Such wisdom and insight! Thank you for sharing on NOBH!

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