10 Secrets from a Wife Who Waited…and Who Loves Married Sex, Part 3

Last week, I shared my 7th, 6th, and 5th reason why I love married sex and why I waited until marriage to be physically united to my husband. This week, I’ll share my 4th and 3rd.

4. Married Sex is Affirming

Sex outside of marriage leaves doubts about yourself as a woman. Sex within marriage affirms who you are as a woman.

I remember how much I struggled with wanting a boy to notice me and going to great lengths to make sure he did when I was a single lady. I crossed a few lines – things I thought were little at the time like robbing the guy of the chance to initiate a relationship and being manipulative. Why did I act like this? Because I doubted who I was as a woman and because I doubted God. I didn’t believe God had a man out there who would notice me for who I was. I didn’t believe I could truly be a woman until I had a “boyfriend” and ultimately until I had sex. I thank God that He protected me even in my ignorance, my discontent, and my insecurity.

Experiencing married sex is like having a veil lifted off my eyes and my heart. My husband affirms me as a woman by honoring me in the highest sense in choosing me as his bride. He affirms my beauty when he desires me physically, but especially when he desires me even when I feel undesirable.

I remember a time when I first got married how desperately I wanted to be loved one night. I was feeling lonely and vulnerable in our first apartment late at night when my husband was still at work. When he came home, I eagerly rushed to the door expecting to feel some sense of peace, love, and great relief. But to my chagrin, the feelings didn’t come. I went to take a shower, and I just broke down… hard. Before the Lord, I was cold, wet, and naked, miserable because I hadn’t been putting God first. I cried for a long time. After getting my heart right with God, I was completely satisfied with His love and my desire for Him was stronger. But then Adam came in. I felt awkward and ashamed. I didn’t think I deserved his love and was scared I’d put him before God again. I remember telling him to leave, but he wouldn’t. Without saying a word, he turned off the water, tenderly dried me with a towel, wiped away my tears, and carried me to the bedroom. Adam helped me realize that night that God had forgiven me and that the guilt and shame I was feeling was not of God. He desired me even at my worst – and by making love that night, I felt the healing power of God and the life-affirming worth He gives me.

Ephesians 5:28 says, ” Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”

Do you feel honored? I do!

Why do I love married sex? Because having sex with my husband helps affirm who I am as a woman as he makes it easy for me to truly be myself and to love my body, and because when I’m at my worst, my husband still finds me attractive – and that’s incredibly encouraging. 

3. Married Sex is Intimate

Sex outside of marriage has no lasting ties. Sex within marriage draws us closer to each other. 

I’m not saying that sex outside of marriage isn’t intimate in the traditional sense of the word. You are ultimately exposing the most private parts of yourself when you agree to get naked with another man. But when you agree to get naked with your husband, you are inviting him to get to know you better.

I work at my community pool. Last week I had to “break up” a couple making out (among other things) at the far end of the pool. They couldn’t have been older than 16 and 17. I’m all for a little kissing, but at that age, relationships can be dangerous because the guy often becomes the center of your world. As she walked by me to leave, my heart went out to her and I wished I had some wise something-or-other to say to her, but at the time, I was a bit tongue-tied.

Dear unmarried lady friend, your heart and body are precious and you need to treat it as such. Sure it’s okay to have fun with your boyfriend as long as you are glorifying God. With frequent heavy physical contact, throw in some hormones and you are going down a slippery slope. I know. I remember how my hormones were raging when my husband and I were dating, but I’m so grateful we waited. You respect your man more by waiting solely for him in marriage and he loves you by waiting for the most intimate part of you. Sex outside of marriage cannot compare to the joy of fully giving yourself on your wedding night to the man you have vowed to take as your husband before God and other witnesses. Once you have given yourself away, you can never get it back. Treasure your body, dear unmarried lady friend, and wait for the moment of joyous fulfillment in marriage.

To my married lady friends, unleash your passionate desire for your husband – it’s Biblical! The woman in Song of Songs isn’t timid or shy. She has a level of desire for her husband that matches his. They playfully and delightfully invite each other to take part in loving intimacy, and they work to build each other up. Intimacy is more than sexual contact. Intimacy is the ultimate expression of love and respect. 

The woman in Song of Songs shows all five of the 5 Love Languages as she… …uses her words to affirm and build up her man, complimenting his manhood and encouraging his physical and emotional/spiritual love. 

…spends quality time with her man without distractions in a place far away from other people so as to show him her undivided attention. 

…gives the gift of herself wholly to him. 

…serves him by waiting respectfully for him until they are wed, and then serves him by letting him lead by asking him to take her away, yet still lovingly telling him what she desires. 

…invites him into the depths of herself, inviting him to touch and kiss her, embrace and envelope her in his love.

Why do I love married sex? Because I can be intimate with my husband, drawing him deeper into me and being delightfully drawn deeper into him. Being intimate within marriage allows me to strengthen the bonds of our love. I show my deepest respect and honor for him by engaging in sexual intimacy. 

I’d love to hear from you…

For the Wives

Why is married sex better for you? Did you ever struggle with body issues and how did that affect your marriage relationship?

For Unmarried Ladies

As an unmarried lady, how do you feel about your body? How can you prepare yourself for physical intimacy in marriage and stay pure at the same time?

To see other related posts in the Let’s Talk Sex series, click here


1 Comment

  1. MissB

    Dear Hannah,
    Your writing is absolutely gorgeous. Thank you so much for this series, it is full of so much goodness and grace. It is really refreshing to read a Christian lady’s testimony of why married sex is such a beautiful force for good, and not simply a physical event or some duty to be endured. I’m getting married this summer, and your articles have been so encouraging. Thank you for giving me a fuller vision of how good sex can be, it is definitely something to look forward to!
    All God’s best to you and your husband,

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