10 Secrets from a Wife Who Waited…and Who Loves Married Sex, Part 2
Editor’s Note: This is Part 5B in Let’s Talk Sex series – Waiting for Marriage.
Last week, I shared my 10th, 9th, and 8th reason why I love married sex and why I waited until marriage to be physically united to my husband. This week, I’ll share my 7th, 6th, and 5th reasons.
7. Married Sex is Fun!
Sex outside of marriage is fun for a while. Sex within marriage is lasting fun.
I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard unmarried women say, “Do what feels good,” or “If you’re in love, it doesn’t matter.” LIES! I was flipping channels the other day and caught the end of a soap opera episode. A daughter was telling her dad why she chose to have sex with a stranger…because she wanted to experience a little fun in her life before she married her corporate lawyer fiancé. FUN? STDs, unwanted pregnancy, abortion, being left in the middle of the night, having emotional ties with someone other than your fiancé, cheating, broken hearts – do you call that fun?
Waiting until your married doesn’t suck all the fun out of everything. In fact, it increases the fun because you can have fun in a secure, comfortable, better, and good environment without the pressure of trying to hide your intimacy and without fear of reprimand or consequences. I don’t know about you but I’m a lot more relaxed in that kind of situation.
I heard a statistic recently (and I can’t remember where) that unmarried women who have sex with a partner or multiple partners are more likely to be bored with sex and their husbands once they marry. I can tell you this – by waiting, I’m not bored! Exploring my sexuality and my husband’s body every time is exciting. Making things interesting just requires a little creativity on both our parts. It’s not boring because our love isn’t boring. It’s one roller coaster of a ride with my husband, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world because it’s an adventure!
Song of Songs calls married sex…
“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine.” Song of Songs 1:2
“I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste.” Song of Songs 2:3
“How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride!” Song of Songs 4:10
“How beautiful you are and how pleasing, my love, with your delights!” Song of Songs 7:6
“Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out.” Song of Songs 1:3
” How much more pleasing is your love than wine...” Song of Songs 4:10
“Listen! My beloved! Look! Here he comes, leaping across the mountains, bounding over the hills.” Song of Songs 2:8
“My beloved spoke and said to me, ‘Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come away with me.'” Song of Songs 2:10
…an intimate gift!
“You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain.” Song of Songs 4:12
“Let my beloved come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.” Song of Songs 4:16
“I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me.” Song of Songs 7:10
Why do I love married sex? Because my husband excites me and delights me and pleases me because I am special and precious to him! I don’t have to worry about someone ending our “fun” or someone else experiencing “fun” with him because my husband chose me over all other women and invites me into himself as I invite him into myself.
6. Married Sex is Energizing!
Sex outside of marriage weakens you. Sex within marriage strengthens you.
Think about it. When you engage in sexual activity outside of marriage, your resolve is weakened – saying no is harder; your self-image is weakened – you aren’t so sure about yourself; your reputation is weakened – others won’t think as highly of you; and your heart is weakened – you don’t understand the difference between true life-changing, life-affirming, sacrificial love and the act of sex.
Yesterday I was feeling tired and wasn’t so sure I wanted to go to work. I sat down at my computer to work on some stuff when I began feeling like something was off. I quickly prayed and asked God to tell me what I needed. Suddenly hit with a bolt of realization and inspiration, I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to draw my husband away from the computer and into the bedroom. He pulled out the Bible and began to read to me as we had forgotten to do our devotions over breakfast like we usually do. As I was lying on the bed listening to him read Scripture, my desire infinitely grew for this man – to be intimate with him in an even deeper spiritual, physical, and emotional way. Let’s just say that I was feeling great when I got to work and the hours passed quickly since I had some new found energy! ;o)
“Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love.” Song of Songs 2:5
*As a side note, the NIV Study Bible explains that “raisins” and “apples” most likely represent caresses and embraces of love.*
Married sex has made me stronger…
Sex reduces my stress levels, giving me more energy. If I wasn’t married and having sex, trust me – I’d be stressing!
Sex makes me stronger as I work all sorts of muscles in my body, and it works out a lot of kinks in my muscles too, making me more relaxed.
Sex boosts my immune system, keeping me getting a cold and helping me stay healthy.
I am happier…period.
I feel good about myself and my body, and I’m less self-conscious.
I am satisfied. Don’t get me wrong! I want my husband often, but I am satisfied with him. I don’t need to go looking for emotional fulfillment elsewhere.
I trust myself and my decisions more.
I can focus more on the task on hand.
My conscience is sharper.
I’m more aware of the spiritual affects of my decisions.
I don’t give into temptation as easily.
I am more in tune with God, grateful for what He has given me, and more enthusiastic about praising Him!
“Take me away with you—let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers.” Song of Songs 1:4
Why do I love married sex? It’s even better because I’m married – I don’t have to stress about my environment or my partner because I will always be in the loving arms of my husband, and I’m energized by the love, devotion, and desire of my husband, helping me to be more relaxed, emotionally stable, productive, and spiritually connected to my Heavenly Father.
5. Married Sex is Healing!
Sex outside of marriage causes a world of hurt. Sex within marriage is healing.
You bring all of yourself into the act of sex. Every sexual experience (from every touch to every kiss, every lustful look at another man to every look at porn, every act of sex to negative consequences of sex like pregnancy or disease) before or outside of marriage is carried over to the marriage bed. You have to carry heavy burdens of shame, guilt, and regret with sex outside of marriage. Sex outside of marriage is hurtful, damaging, and dangerous.
“Flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” 2 Timothy 2:22
For those who have engaged in sex before marriage, married sex can also be incredibly healing. You may be struggling with hurt, shame, and guilt from your past, and here is a man whom God has given you, your husband, who loves you and won’t leave you and who wants to get to know the deep, raw parts of you and help you work through the pain and sorrow and shame of the past. I can’t think of anything more life-giving and life-healing, and I’m convinced there are few things more powerful than a husband who prays sincerely and regularly for his wife.
When I’m struggling with pain and guilt over something, I can’t tell you how wonderful it is when Adam prays over me. Hearing his words as he lovingly pleads on my behalf is so moving and powerful, and is like a soothing stream of water being poured onto my raw and tender heart. God says in His Word, “I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you.” 2 Kings 20:5
Husbands, pray for your wife and her sexuality. So many women today have been broken by the chains of sexual sin, some who have willingly entered and some who have unwillingly entered, and they desperately need the healing of their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Pray for her physical and spiritual healing. Pray that shame and guilt would be washed away in the blood of Jesus, and that the love of God would be her constant companion. Pray for the lies she’s been told to be exposed in the light of our Pure and Holy God, and that He would smash the lies from the Devil to smithereens. Pray for her heart to be renewed and strengthened through the intimacy of married sex, and that God would open her physically, emotionally, and spiritually to be known in the deepest sense by the man who loves her – you.
Wives, pray for your husband and his sexuality. So many men have been led astray by the promise of pleasure and satisfaction and have been damaged by what the world has to offer, and they desperately need to be restored in the eyes of the Lord. Pray for the healing power of Jesus Christ to come into his life and work through those inner places of destructive darkness. Pray for his enduring strength to fight temptation to give into what the world has to offer. Pray that you, as his wife, would show him the respect he deserves by giving freely of yourself no matter what has happened in his past before you, not guilt-tripping him but forgiving and loving him as Christ forgave and loves you. Pray that he would be an example among men as to how to love your wife and lead her in a God-honoring manner, not just emotionally and spiritually, but physically too.
Why do I love married sex? Married sex is healing. I have learned the greatest act of healing in our marriage when Adam and I have been at odds with one another is to offer my beauty willingly without expecting anything in return. I treasure the look on his face when I give of myself completely after we’ve had tension between us. Married sex is powerful because it is life-giving and life-healing.
I’d love to hear from you…
As a Christian married lady, how can you encourage unmarried ladies to wait for marriage and that Christian married sex is fun? How have you been energized and strengthened by waiting until marriage for sex? How can we wives pray for our husband’s sexuality and our sex lives more? What things do you think an unmarried lady should be praying for regarding her future husband and her sex life, and her current sexual purity?
To see other related posts in the Let’s Talk Sex series, click here.
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Sex is Better When You’re Married from IdoMe2