10 Secrets from a Wife Who Waited…and Who Loves Married Sex, Part 1
Editor’s Note: This is Part 5A in Let’s Talk Sex series – Waiting for Marriage.
This type of post seems to be a trend among us members of the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association. I’ve caught the “10 Confessions” bug. But I wanted to take a slightly different route and explain why it was so wonderful to wait until marriage for my unmarried readers, and to encourage my married readers.
Here are my top 10 secrets, beginning at 10 and counting down to the #1 secret I’ve discovered about sex. Today I will share three.
10. Married Sex is Secure!
Sex outside of marriage is convenient. Sex within marriage is a covenant.
Pre-marital or extra-marital sex is just a convenient way to appease your hormones. Safety is a primary concern among women. We want to know that we’re safe, not just in our homes, cars, neighborhoods, schools, workplaces, finances, and social activities, but in our sex lives too.
I have discovered the beauty of the covenant of sex I’ve made with my husband. A covenant is more fruitful, rewarding, and secure than a convenience. I have come to learn we can do without things that are “convenient,” but a covenant? That’s not so easy to live without. God has made a covenant with His people – He promised the Israelites they would have a beautiful homeland to call their own. He promised sinners a get-out-of-jail-free card to those who confessed their sins and believed in Him, professing Him to be their Lord and Savior. Blood bound God to His Word. He sent His only Son to die for us, to take our place; His blood was spilled so that we might be new, clean, and whole.
Towardabundantlife, a guest blogger on the Peacefulwife blog, writes this in her article Brides and Butchers,
“There is a lot of talk about covenants at weddings. A covenant is a nice term for a rather gruesome affair (you can read about one in Genesis 15). When people made a covenant in the ancient world, they were making an agreement that lasted their whole lifetime. It included their children, born and unborn. They made it official not by saying nice things or feeding each other cake, but by slaughtering livestock. It was serious business. Somebody had to die. After stating the terms of the covenant, they split the slaughtered animals down the middle and walked between the splayed halves. They faced each other amid the carcasses and said something to the effect of, “May God do this and more to me if I break this covenant with you.” In other words, “I would rather be cut in half than break my promise”.”
While we dispensed with the blood sacrifice at our wedding, Adam and I understood the seriousness of the covenant we were entering. It wasn’t merely a contract to be broken if one or both of us weren’t happy. We are in this marriage for life and divorce is not an option. Adam is willing to lay his life on the line if necessary for me just as Christ did for the Church because that’s how much he is called to love me. (Ephesians 5:25-31), and that is why married sex is so secure. He isn’t going to leave me because he loves me, enough to die for me.
“Place me as a seal over your arm; for love is as strong as death…” Song of Songs 8:6. Marriage covenant is forever. It is an eternal seal, until death parts you. When you enter a marriage covenant before your family, friends, and community, it’s not just the two of you who are bound together. It is God who binds you together. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
Why do I loved married sex? Because my husband, God, and I are bound together securely in the covenant of marriage, and that’s powerful!
9. Married Sex is Comfortable!
Sex outside of marriage leaves you on edge. Sex within marriage gives you comfort.
Think about it! When you’re not married, you have something to hide when you have sex. You might be afraid of someone walking in on you. You might have to go to extreme lengths to find a “safe” place for sex. You might be worried about someone else finding out accidentally.
Married sex is beautiful in that I don’t have to worry physically, mentally, or emotionally. I am engaging in sex the way God intended. If someone knows, oh well! I’m married. I’m expressing love to my husband. I can be completely comfortable and vulnerable with my husband because we are married and we don’t have to constantly come up with excuses for being physical, new locations to hide, and lies to explain away our actions.
I’m not saying married sex is perfect, or that I’ll never experience discomfort. But married sex is deeply satisfying and I find consolation in the fact that there’s no need to fear on the marriage bed. 1 John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” When I am fearful, I am afraid of the negative consequences. “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1),” no negative consequences for those who follow His teachings – waiting for marriage : “ I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires” Song of Solomon 8:4.
Why do I love married sex? Because I can be myself on the marriage bed, without fear of reprimand or consequences.
8. Married Sex is Better and Feels Good!
Sex outside of marriage “feels” good. Sex within marriage IS better.
Let me ask you something. Would you take a job because it feels good? You’d be noticed more at work and appreciated, and you’d be rolling in dough? Or would you take a job because it is good – because although you aren’t making as much money, you don’t have to compromise your ethics to do your job, because you are genuinely making a difference in this world without stepping on other people, and because you will have the opportunity to work hard and earn more money even if it takes longer? I don’t know about you but I’d choose the latter.
Married sex is better because it’s the right way to go. Ephesians 5:31 says, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” But married sex is also supposed to feel good. I can’t tell you the number of Christian women who have said, “Sex is just a duty of marriage,” or “Bite the bullet and get it over with.” LIES! Sex is not just for the man. God designed sex with us in mind too. Why do you think He gave us certain…*cough, cough* female body parts? Sex has gotten a bad rap in the Church. Because it’s been polluted by sin, it’s an off-limits conversation. Good girls aren’t supposed to enjoy sex, right?
Wrong! Sex outside of marriage may “feel good” for a little while, but married sex is good, and feels good. God created one man and one woman to leave their parents and to be united body, mind, heart, and soul to one another. God created pleasure in sex as a way for a wife to honor and respect her husband and for a husband to love his wife. Just read the beloved’s description of her lover in Song of Songs 5:10-16. She is ecstatic about being married to him. In Song of Solomon 7:10, she begins, “I belong to my beloved,” but then she continues, “…and his desire is for me.” He desires her, and so he should.
My husband forsakes all others when he comes to the marital bed. He honors me by giving of himself and making sure that I experience pleasure because it brings him pleasure to do so. He honors me by making me feel special, beautiful, and desired like no one else ever can or will.
Why do I love married sex? Because my husband wants what is best for me, and has made an everlasting commitment to love, honor, and serve me on and off the marriage bed, bringing me deep pleasure and happiness. Because my husband finds it sexy when I enjoy sex with him. ;o)
I’d love to hear from you…
Why do you love married sex? For those of you who waited, was it worth it? If you’re unmarried (single, dating, and engaged), what are some of the hardest things about waiting and how can we at the BHE community pray for you?
To read other related posts in the Let’s Talk Sex series, click here.
Posts by Fellow CMBA-r’s: