Editor’s Note: This is Part 8 in the Portrait of Eve series. To see the previous parts, view below.
Less Than Perfect World
Last Thursday, a new bride was found stabbed to death in her bathtub still wearing the gown from the civil ceremony. The new husband supposedly left his new wife bleeding in the bathroom after they had what he called a “bad fight” which he confessed to the bride’s sister, Jazmin. Estrella Carrera was a 26 year old mother leaving behind two children, one of them with her new husband, Arnoldo Jimenez. The family informed police of instances of domestic violence prior to the wedding, and that he had been possessive and overly jealous. The police are still hunting for Jimenez, pleading with him to turn himself in for the sake of his children and the bride’s family. See for more details.
We live in a less than perfect world. Tragedies like this unfortunately happen more often than not. It makes me so grateful for a kind, gentle, loving husband. ***If you have a wonderful, godly husband who is kind and gentle, take a moment and go thank him!***
Do you ever wonder what Adam’s and Eve’s relationship was like before the Fall? Can you imagine perfect marriages where husbands always loved their wives and wives always respected their husbands? Can you imagine perfect sex lives? I’m not even sure we know what these things look like because we live in a world blinded by sin. Stories like this bride and groom make me so sad that we live in a world where people choose daily to hurt others and one where people willfully walking away from God’s Laws and more importantly, His love.
Back to Eden
Eve had everything she needed. She was made in the image of God, crowned with glory and honor. She was breathtakingly gorgeous reflecting the beauty of God. She was given a husband, a life partner, a lover bound in marriage. She was given a beautiful garden to call her home, a place providing her every need. She could walk around naked with her husband and not be ashamed. She had a personal relationship with the Creator God.
So what happened? If everything’s perfect – you have the perfect husband, the perfect home, the perfect body, perfect sex life, perfect provisions – would you have been tempted? Maybe I would’ve. I don’t know.
We know Eve was with Adam when the serpent tempted her with “you will be like God.” We know Eve exaggerated when she said “You may not eat of the fruit or touch it.” Even in the beginning, women liked to dramatize things. We know that Satan as the serpent wanted desperately to corrupt beauty, hating Eve because she reflected the glory of God when he had fallen from glory. Put two and two together and you get chaos.
Eve willfully chose to sin and Adam willfully followed her. He knowingly could have stopped her and said, “Honey, this is not of God. This is not what God said. We should walk away.” How many of you have experienced your husband (or a fiance, boyfriend, or father) intervening like this on your behalf? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if more husbands would step up to the plate and protect their wives spiritually, physically, and emotionally like they should?
But back to Eve… she is not without fault. She made a choice too; she chose death. This led to the birth of sin into the world, and as daughters of Eve, we have fallen under its curse. Romans 3:10 says, “There is no one righteous, no not one.” The truth hurts, doesn’t it?
After Eve took the fruit, her eyes were instantaneously opened, and she knew she was naked, a sudden wave of shame came over her. She and Adam tried inadequately to cover themselves up with leaves. And then did Eve take responsibility for her mistake? Nope! She blame-shifted. Isn’t it easier to do that? Blame your grouchiness on lack of sleep. Blame your being late for the traffic in front of you. Blame your problems in marriage on your husband.
Proverbs 31:11 says, “Her husband has full confidence in her, and lacks nothing of value.” The Message version says, “Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it.” After Adam took of the fruit with Eve, do you think he trusted her in the same way? Do you think he regretted his decision and blamed Eve? The Bible doesn’t say, but given the current state of relationships these days, it is plausible to think that he struggled with having complete confidence in his wife. Do you think Eve completely trusted Adam? Probably not in the same way since he let her down and didn’t try to stop her.
Without Christ, we wouldn’t be able to trust anyone. Without Christ, we are stuck in a violent relationship with sin, a brutal struggle against death. But God sent His only Son, Jesus Christ, to be pierced for our transgressions and go toe to toe with death, and He won, rising victoriously over the grave so that we might be redeemed and our relationships might be restored.
I am so grateful that I do have a husband who trusts me, though I have given him times to doubt me. From the very beginning of our relationship, Adam has always been incredibly honest with me, and even though I hadn’t always been honest with him, he loved me anyway, and mercifully forgave me. He makes me want to be trustworthy. Christ redeemed our relationship and our trust. It’s not perfect, but because of what Christ did for us on the cross, we are no longer slaves to sin, but servants of righteousness. The more you grow in the Lord, the more you will exhibit Christ-likeness.
Practical Ways to Be Trustworthy in Your Marriage
Dear married lady, do you live your life in a way that your husband can safely trust you?
1. Confess your sins to your husband and hold each other accountable.
James 5:16 says, “...confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” It may be embarrassing to tell your husband that you have failed, but you need him to be your spiritual leader. Give him the opportunity to be by letting him know when you’ve screwed up and ask him to pray over, for, and with you. Something I love about Adam is he often puts one hand on my head when he prays and it is such a blessing! Build spiritual intimacy together by being accountable to one another before God.
2. Let your husband know where you are and what you’re doing.
Before you go somewhere, check with your husband. It is actually incredibly freeing knowing I’m not keeping anything hidden from my husband. Ask him if it’s okay to go out to dinner with your girlfriends and let him know when you’re borrowing the car. This isn’t just merely a courtesy thing, but also a trust thing.
3. Talk about finances together.
In our household, Adam handles the money and bills. I know in some households it’s set up differently, but the principle is the same: include one another in financial decisions. Adam always appreciates it when I let him know I’m spending money and what I’m spending money on. And if he says, we can’t afford this right now, I don’t sulk (and try really hard not to complain or persuade him otherwise). If you’re spending money behind your husband’s back, how can he trust you?
Being a Trustworthy Woman
Dear daughter of God, are you a trustworthy woman?
1. Honesty really is the best policy!
If the clerk gives you back too much change, go back and return it even if it’s inconvenient. Don’t cheat on an exam because you forgot to study. If you tap the neighbor’s car when backing out of the driveway, let him know. Practice being an honest woman.
2. Seek honest/trustworthy company.
Surround yourself with friends who are also honest and trustworthy. If you have a friend who lies to you consistently, then it’s time to have a serious conversation and potentially breaking off the friendship. When thinking about character qualities you want in a future husband, make sure honesty is on the list. One of the things that attracted me to Adam was how honest and broken before the Lord he was and still is (even more so now). There’s always room to grow up, but “a dishonest man spreads strife (Proverbs 16:28).” Ladies, a man who is a habitual liar and can’t be trusted isn’t worth your time. You deserve better.
3. Manage your finances well.
This is something I wish I had done better prior to being married and even shortly after being married. A woman who can’t manage her finances will struggle (and this can hurt relationships and a future marriage). Set a budget. Live within your means. Maybe even have someone hold you accountable ( a parent or a friend). Keep a savings account (and don’t dip into it unless it’s an emergency). This is such an important life skill and an attractive trait to a man.
I’d love to hear from you
Have you struggled with being honest in the past? How have you overcome dishonesty? What other ways as women of God can we seek honest living?
1. What We Were Designed For A Portrait of Eve introduction – the woman you were created to be.
2. Under the Arm and Near the Heart Part 1 – A position of honor and glory and a look at what it means to be a help-meet
3. The Scary “S” Word Part 2 – Did submission exist prior to the Fall? And what does it mean to be submissive in marriage?
4. Radical Obedience Part 3- A different look at Biblical fruitfulness, what it means, what it requires, and what the Bible says about fearing the Lord.
5. Radical Worship Part 4 – “Idolatry is the fruit of flesh. Our hearts were programmed for worship.”
6. Radical Transformation Part 5 – “True Biblical confession requires remorse, desire to be back in right standing with the Lord, and actively seeking the Lord in order to be restored and renewed.”
7. Looking for Love in All the Right Places Part 6 – “…Turn your eyes upon Jesus for you will not find satisfaction anywhere but in the arms of your Lover God who will carry you into eternity.”
8. Don’t Be Intimidated by the Lady Next Door Part 7 – “Isn’t it so tempting for us as women to get caught up in comparing ourselves to others?”