It’s Okay to Let Loose

And God said it was good! God created Adam and Eve in the Garden and the two became one flesh. Sex is meant to be good in marriage. Sex is meant to be wonderful, fulfilling, inspiring, unifying, beautiful, enjoyable, exciting, passionate, steamy, lovely, entertaining (at times), and even fun! Too often we don’t talk about sex within marriage as a beautiful thing, as more than just a necessary thing or a duty.

As Sheila Wray Gregorie, author of To Love, Honor, and Vacuum – Real Marriage. No Pretensions, writes (and I’m paraphrasing a bit) “Satan does everything he can to convince couples to have all the sex they want before marriage, and after marriage, he does everything he can to get them to stop.

Don’t be one of these couples! Don’t be one of these wives who just does it to “please her husband” or out of obligation. Let me let you in on a little secret: YOU WERE DESIGNED TO BE SEXY, BEAUTIFUL, AND CONFIDENT! YOU WERE DESIGNED TO BE WHOLE, AND TO WHOLLY PARTICIPATE IN LOVE-MAKING WITH YOUR HUSBAND, AND TO ENJOY IT! 

Common misconception about Christian wives is that we’re prudes or that we could care less about sex or that we don’t like it. NOT TRUE! There are many women out there, like Sheila, who are trying to change that misconception. Marriage is supposed to be fun. Sex is supposed to be fun.

I’d highly recommend… 

…watching the Peasant Princess series by Mark Driscoll of the Mars Hill Church with your spouse (or on your own). It’s a wonderful series on the book of Song of Solomon.

Let me let you in on another secret. The book of Song of Solomon is NOT all about God and His Church (although you could infer so in many ways). It is about the love between a young couple before and after they’re married. It’s a beautifully written love story and it’s right there in the Bible. And if it was a movie, it’d be rated NC-17. Don’t let that scare you if you haven’t read it before. God included this book for a reason – to let married couples know it’s okay to enjoy sex. He designed it to be that way!

I challenge you…

…to read the book of Song of Solomon with your husband – it’s only 8 short chapters. Ask God to open your eyes and your heart to a new way of looking at lovemaking and pray for sexual confidence, enjoyment, unity, and fulfillment in your marriage. It’s okay to let loose. Remember…

You are safe and secure within marriage. 

You are loved within marriage. 

You are free within marriage. 

For other WONDERFUL thoughts… 

…on Song of Solomon and embracing your sex life wholly, read Shannon Etheridge’s Hot Tip #81: Embrace Passion.

For a preview, she writes, “I also believe Song of Solomon was written not just as a celebration of love, relationship, marriage, and sex, but also of how God designed the human body and brain such that our senses are incredibly heightened under the influence of such passion. ”

***A CAUTIONARY WORD ABOUT FREEDOM – Freedom does not mean engaging in sex world-style. Sex was designed for one man and one woman in marriage – it does not include extra individuals in any way, shape, or form. Freedom doesn’t mean treating your spouse with disrespect or forcing him (or you) to do anything you feel is degrading, uncomfortable, wrong, or sinful. Freedom doesn’t mean being prideful, but repeat this statement to yourself: feeling sexy isn’t sinful.***

Freedom means allowing yourself be passionate, allowing yourself to be pleasured and to give pleasure wholeheartedly. Freedom means engaging in lovemaking wholly – mind, body, heart, and spirit. 

Mind – Be fully present during sex. Put off distractions and eliminate as many as possible prior to starting. Allow yourself to focus only on your husband’s and your intimacy.

Body – This one is pretty straightforward – give yourself freely. Don’t hold back and don’t be shy.

Heart – Be emotionally connected to your husband. Don’t just “do it.” Take time to meet one another’s needs, to fully express your love to one another. Don’t feel like you have to rush. Make sure each of you knows that he (or she)  is loved, honored, and respected.

Soul- Sex is souly unifying (no pun intended…okay, maybe pun intended). When you come together in that intimate way, you connect on a level you cannot with any other human. Be fully immersed in each other’s love and pleasure. Open yourself up to be intricately and uniquely tied together. Sex is when two unique individuals, a husband and wife, bring their uniqueness into the marriage and blend together as one lovingly, passionately, and freely.

***If you are in a situation of abuse, sexual, verbal, emotional, or physical, my heart goes out to you. I am not an expert, sex therapist, counselor, psychologist, and I don’t work in a professional marriage setting. BUT… I know that any type of abuse can be severely damaging to your heart, body, mind, soul, and your marriage and will destroy the security, comfort, joy, peace, love, and passion you have in your sex life. PLEASE, seek out help. God did not design sex as something to be forced on you or for your body to be used and abused. He designed you to be beautiful, whole, and pure.

If you’ve been in a situation of abuse before marriage and you feel it’s affecting your marriage and sex life, again, PLEASE seek out help. God designed you to be fully released to the life He has designed for you within marriage, including a passionate and healthy sex life.

I’d recommend reading the tools on Shannon Etheridge’s The Sexually Confident Woman site. She was a victim of sexual abuse turned author, speaker, lay counselor, and advocate for healthy sexuality, and her website has wonderful resources and advice. Even if you’re not a victim of abuse, she has lots of great things to say about embracing your feminine sexuality in a healthy way.***

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