Red Light? Green Light? Holy Light?
Ladies, let’s talk about the “S” word. SEX!
It’s probably one of the most controversial contradictory topics ever to cross the face of the earth. Have it. Don’t have it. It’s messy. It’s gross. It’s beautiful. It’s fulfilling. It’s for marriage. Nothing wrong with shopping around. Do it whenever and whatever way you like with whomever you like. Honor the marriage bed and keep it pure. It’s okay- we’re in love. Use protection. Protect your body. Guard your heart. Sex was created after the fall. Sex was in the Garden of Eden. Be adventurous. Be bold. Be ashamed. Be envious. Hold out. Hold off. It’s just your duty. It was created for pleasure. Wait. Stop. Go. Huh??
Are you confused? I sure was. I was one of those Christian women who had been exposed to people talking about nearly every viewpoint there is about sex prior to getting married. Even after getting married I still wasn’t sure what was appropriate and what sex meant for a Christian marriage. It took months to really fully understand what a wonderful gift sex was and is.
I don’t believe in baring every intimate detail in a post. I believe some things really should be reserved for the bedroom and private conversations. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have a conversation about sex. And it should be a conversation. It shouldn’t be a one-sided me-giving-you-advice-talk or you-whispering-questions-to-God-and-God-only talk. Having questions and being curious is healthy. Engage in healthy discussions about sex because we aren’t going to understand something unless we pray about it, wrestle over it, talk about it, seek answers, give answers, study it, and eventually practice it, make mistakes, and learn from them within marriage.
Can sex honor God?
Understanding sexuality as it was intended for marriage is a topic that is often overlooked in Christian circles, and frankly Sex Ed 101 doesn’t cut it. This is more like God-glorifying Sex 101. Contrary to popular belief, God-glorifying sex is radical, purifying, uplifting, passionate, pleasurable, radical, intimate, healthy, daring, exciting, adventurous, sensuous, and honorable!
Over the next weeks, I’ll be posting on…
What Scripture Has to Say: God’s Design for Sex
Three Lies from the Devil About Sex
Lessons I’ve Learned About Married Sex (especially for first-timers)
How to Glorify God with Your Body
What Does It Mean to Stay Pure?
Is There Forgiveness and Redemption for Sexual Impurity?
Sex Within Marriage: Duty-Bound or Honor-Bound?
Embracing Your Sexuality and Sensuality the Way God Intended
How to Talk about Sex in a Healthy Way
Don’t Stay Silent
I am not an expert, a relationship counselor, a doctor, or a psychiatrist. And I have not had years of experience. But just because I haven’t been married twenty-five years doesn’t mean I can’t share what I’ve learned, or that I haven’t learned anything of value to share.
Sex should not be a red light or a green light all the time in Christian circles. Sex should be in a holy light, as God intended, a sacred sanctuary.
If you are unmarried, I encourage you to keep a journal regarding your own personal desires, struggles with, or questions about sex & marriage and talk with an older trusted Christian married woman. I also highly encourage you and a close Christian girl friend (with the guidance of an older Christian married woman if at all possible ) to delve deeply into what it means to stay sexually pure before marriage, how to confront temptation, what your boundaries are, and how you plan to stick to them prior to marriage. Give your body over to God, entrusting it to Him, and then daily embrace the freedom, forgiveness, and redemption found in Christ, taking up your cross and following Him.
If you are dating, I encourage you to engage in healthy dialogue about sex. This isn’t a topic that should be saved for “late in the game” so to speak. Set boundaries from the beginning. Make a commitment to purity. For every couple, what’s too far tends to be different, but in general I’d say anything that is covered by a modest bathing suit is off limits. Talk about temptation and how you plan to head it off. Commit with another dating couple to keep each other accountable.
If you’re engaged, talk about your expectations for marriage and the first night. This is going to be a huge part of your marriage so you shouldn’t hide the topic under a rock. I highly recommend and encourage marital counseling. Seek out someone who will help you engage in a healthy conversation about sex. Talk to older married couples and ask them questions and what lessons/advice they can pass onto you.
If you are married, fully embrace God’s perfect design and plan for your married sex life. Communicate with each other regularly not only to build physical intimacy, but emotional and spiritual also. Don’t shy away from talking about sex with other married women, especially godly married women. God does say to keep certain things in the bedroom, but this doesn’t mean that we cannot encourage or help one another in the faith regarding the gift of sex. Help other young married and unmarried women understand that you can glorify God through healthy, appropriate expressions of sexuality with your husband, and that waiting for marriage is the most fulfilling, satisfying journey you will take and the culmination of that journey is priceless, precious, and pure.
What questions do you have about sex? What mysteries would you like answered? What thoughts do you have about sex and discussing it?
Feel free to leave comments or questions below in Drop a Line. If you’d like to ask/comment on something privately, use the EMAIL Me option. And you can always remain anonymous.
Stay Scriptural, but don’t stay silent!