6 Foods to Spice Up Holiday Sex and Friday’s Q&A: What if I Don’t Feel Forgiving Toward My Husband? Day 30
Reader Question: What if I don’t feel forgiving toward my husband?
*As a quick disclaimer: I am not speaking to the issue of a husband who has been found guilty of pornography, an affair, or some other kind of sexual sin. This is a general post on forgiveness.*
When Adam and I were first married and he would hurt me, my initial instinct was to run away, to hide my pain and shame. Then as soon as I was alone, I found myself sinking into thoughts of despair. I was hurt by whatever he has done, but I was more hurt by what I had done, denying myself reconciliation with my husband. Of all the stupid things… you may say! But think about it. We all do it. We all refuse to forgive at some point in our lives and it leads to wallowing in grief or bitterness. It is a selfish response!
Proverbs 15:3 says, “A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.”
Be ready and willing to forgive. If you find yourself starting to wallow, if you can right at that exact moment, go ask your husband for a hug and ask him to pray for you.
I remember a fight Adam and I had early in our marriage. I had stormed off to the bedroom to put away laundry and he went into the kitchen to do dishes. I was starting to put away clothes and found my hands shaking because I was so upset. I laid down on the floor and curled up and began thinking. But instead of praying, I found myself thinking negative and slightly horrifying thoughts like “I’ll just lie here forever till he comes in because I don’t have the heart to get up off the floor” or “I’m not really worthy of his love.” WHOA! RED FLAG! WARNING SIGNS! If you’re thinking these things, GET UP OFF THE FLOOR! These are lies from Satan. You need some serious praying over, and who better to do that than your husband!
Here’s a few Bible verses to consider:
“Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Proverbs 16:24
Extend the olive branch! Pour the oil of grace over your husband. Does this mean you excuse his sin? No. But you do forgive him. Give him the healing balm of forgiveness.
“In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” Ephesians 4:26
Does this mean that you always need to hash it out right then and there before bed? No. But don’t go to bed with bitterness in your heart or malice toward your husband. Confess these things before the Lord. Let your husband know that you still love him before you sleep, even if you haven’t resolved everything yet. For more, read my post on responding Biblically when you’re angry.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
You are forgiven because Christ died on a cross, taking the penalty of your sins on His shoulders, rising from the grave again so that you could be right with God: the ultimate sacrifice. As wives, we are also called to sacrifice our pride on the altar of love for our husbands. Forgive because you’ve been forgiven.
“May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory.” Romans 15:5-7 (NLT)
At the beginning of this month, my husband and I had a particularly trying day. Everything he was doing seemed to get on my nerves. He kept hurting my feelings, and I had to biting my tongue to keep myself from saying something horrible. Finally, I told him to go spend time with God and get his heart right, but he happened to head toward the bedroom… exactly where I wanted to be to take a nap. He claimed the other rooms held distractions. Out of frustration, I left, but I didn’t go far. I stepped outside of the house and let the warmth of the sun heat my achy, tired muscles. I let God speak to my heart and comfort me.
Seek God when your husband has wronged you instead of lashing out. When you take your concerns and cares to Him, He is glorified. Ask God to give you patience and encouragement when you’ve been hurt/wronged. Ask the Holy Spirit to move in your heart and marriage, making you and your husband of one accord. Accept your husband as Christ has accepted both of you.
*Editor’s Note: All quoted material and scientific facts taken from Eat Something Sexy.
1. Cranberries are actually an aphrodisiac. The berries brighten a room and a meal with their pretty red hue, and they pack a power punch of health benefits. Rich in Vitamin C and A, they are clinically proven to help keep sex glands running, and help promote a healthy immune system. They’re full of antioxidants, aid the circulatory system, and are a good source of fiber, keeping you fit and ready for hot and heavy action. Pump up your libido with these little autumn rubies.
Serve up some cranberry dishes for a romantic meal. Try this website with recipes for Baked Cranberry Brie and Cranberry Pork Chops. Try this Mulled Cranberry Cocktail recipe. Try these dessert recipes: cranberry ice cream pie, cranberry cherry crumble, or cranberry apple pie.
2. Apples – did you know the ancient Greeks would toss apples up in the air to “the apple of their eyes” and if the maiden caught it, it was as good as an engagement? These fruits are super sweet and juicy, and their antioxidants help boost anti-aging abilities.
Serve up some baked apple brie as an appetizer, pop some bubbly sparkling apple cider (or tickle your taste buds with apple champagne), and try one of these delicious apple main dishes: apple halibut, apple pork chops, or whole wheat autumn apple pizza. To set the atmosphere, try these beautiful apple candles.
3. Ginger – a sweet, spicy, and erotic food (in addition to scent). I happen to really enjoy perfumes and lotions with ginger. Ginger can increase the skin’s radiance and natural glow. It also decreases inflammation (so guess what? ground ginger is actually good for acne flare-ups – and who doesn’t want clear skin for when you’re making love?). Ginger also increases circulation and sensitivity in erogenous areas.
4. Maple syrup has a sweet sensual allure that most people are unaware of.
Like honey, it can give the body that quick fix of energy at a key moment but it adds a more distinctive flavor to foods than its golden cousin. Like honey, it offers a quick energy fix. It’s a great source of manganese (fights free radicals and is essential to reproductive health). It’s also a “good source of zinc, essential for healthy blood flow (without which orgasm becomes an impossibility.”
So pour on the pure maple syrup on your sweetheart’s pancakes, waffles, or French toast. Or try Maple Syrup Dumplings. If you live near a syrup bottling company, plan a visit this autumn or winter.
5. Did you know that your favorite holiday treat – pumpkin – is an aphrodisiac? In fact, the combination of pumpkin and lavender are said to be one of the most arousing scents to men. (Your next perfume maybe?). Pumpkins are packed with antioxidants and the seeds are full of zinc, boosting blood flow below the belt.
Perhaps this is why Adam and I love pumpkin pie so much. ;o)
Light a lavender candle and bake a homemade pumpkin pie for your man. Toast pumpkin seeds 3 ways – sweet & spicy, curried, and black tea & butter. Make your own spiced pumpkin butter to spread on your pumpkin bread. Serve baked stuffed pumpkins with sausage and apples to serve with pumpkin dinner rolls. Or try maple pork chops with pumpkin risotto.
For more pumpkin recipes, check out my Ideas for Autumn board on Pinterest.
6. Pomegranates have been known to treat depression and winter blues, and boost one’s immune system.
November is National Pomegranate Month. Pomegranates are traditionally thought of as a “love food,” or an aphrodisiac. Here some ideas to incorporate pomegranates into your married life. Make today all about the sweetness of your love.
Try breakfast in bed “Adam-and-Eve” style complete with oatmeal and banana pancakes with pomegranate syrup, some slices of bacon or sausage (for your manly man), and a blueberry, pomegranate smoothie (or simply a cool glass of pomegranate juice rich in vitamin C). Or if you don’t have time to make the pancakes, throw some pomegranate seeds, fresh or frozen berries (of your choice), and banana slices over oatmeal.
Take turns reading to each other from the book of Song of Songs which uses pomegranates to describe the fruits of love.
“Let us go early to the vineyards
to see if the vines have budded,
if their blossoms have opened,
and if the pomegranates are in bloom—
there I will give you my love.” Song of Songs 7:12
For an after dinner treat, try this drink recipe from the Food Network called Between the Sheets.
Or for the non-alcoholic version, try mixing 1 part pomegranate juice with 2 parts sparkling (non-flavored or berry-flavored) water or club soda, and add a few berries for a garnish if you like.
Create ambiance: dim the lights, build a fire in the fireplace if you have one, light some candles, and turn on some mood music. Feed each other pomegranate seeds. Click here for tips and techniques to de-seed and eat a pomegranate.
Take some time to work on your man’s “sweet spots.” Let him know what you love about his body.
- Posted in: 30 Dates in November ♦ 5 Love Languages ♦ Conflict ♦ Date Night Ideas ♦ Questions from Readers ♦ Real Marriage ♦ Romance ♦ Sex ♦ Spicing Up the Bedroom
- Tagged: 30 Dates in November, 5 Senses, Acceptance, Anger, Dates on a Budget, Food Dates, Forgiveness, Patience, Physical Affection & Attention, Quality Time, Spicing Up Sex, Stay at Home Dates, Unique Date Ideas